The Definition of Love
by RIP Amaze Liar
Summary: After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV. AliceBella. Don't like it, don't read it.
1. Isabella Marie Swan

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

AN: Yes, this is a result of the new movie. I also got caught in the fever….

For those who read any of my other stories, I feel I have some explaining to do. Yes, there hasn't been an update in any of the others stories in almost a year now. Yes, I was very much aware of that. I'm sorry, I had a very busy year, busier than I had expected. But I had some time off at the end of 2009 so I decided to write. I wrote a few chapters of my stories and I planned to post it slowly so that I could keep updating them regularly.

One problem though, my laptop kinda broke and it is, at this moment, being fixed far far way from me. Which kinda sucks because I had really important stuff on that, besides the chapters, and for some reason I had this insane urge to write. Hence the new story. Hopefully, my laptop will return as good as new with the new chapters intact and I'll be able to post them.

Now, to the story…

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Isabella Marie Swan**

What is love? Really. What does it mean when you say you love someone? What do you wanna say when you tell them you are in love with them?

Some believe it's when you want no one else, when two people became one. Forever. Others say love is friendship set on fire. If you look up the word love in a dictionary, it will tell you that love is a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

I've always enjoyed reading, and I've read countless of epic romances where the couples were willing to give up their lives for the one they love. But I never understood them, what would you feel to be willing to sacrifice your life for someone else? What could be so powerful to make you go against every single one of your survival instincts? Truthfully, as I read all those quotes, I wasn't really sure. I mean, what is the definition of love? What am I suppose to feel?

None of them were really helpful, but as I searched online, something else caught my attention. Not because it erased all my doubts, but because as I read it, it gave me hope. Hope that if someday I finally figured out as to what love is, I could have something like this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Love never fails. - Corinthians 13:4-8

But, I think I may be getting a little ahead of myself here. I mean, I never even introduced myself right? Ok, so let's start at the beginning.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan, but I prefer to be called Bella, if you don't mind. I was born in a small city called Forks, Washington, and I was 6 months old when my mom, Renee, decided to leave my dad. All I know is that Charlie, my father, took it really hard. Anyway, my mom took me to live with her in Phoenix, Arizona.

We had a lot of fun together while we lived only the two of us, don't get me wrong, she had plenty of boyfriends, but they were never really serious, and we got to spend most of our time with each other. Until the moment that she met Phil, and she fell madly in love with him. There we go again, this word LOVE, why does it make people do such strange things?

Anyway, Renee was in love with Phil, the problem was that Phil played minor league baseball, which meant that he had to travel constantly. Renee stayed with me, but I knew that she was sad whenever he was gone. So, even if I didn't understand what made her feel so unhappy, I decided to leave so she could be free to travel around with Phil.

I moved back to Forks to live with Charlie, I was 17 then. Sure I had spent some time with Charlie every once in a while, but still it took some adjusting when I moved in with him. Fortunately, it all turned all OK.

I wasn't really popular in Phoenix, quite the contrary actually, so it took me by surprise when it wasn't difficult for me to find some friends on my first day in High School, including Jessica Stanley, Angela Weber, and Mike Newton. Later I found out Mike took an interest in me as more than a friend, but that's just not important to the story I'm about to tell you.

Still they weren't the ones that would change my life in always I had never imagined, the ones that did it I met later; during lunch: the Cullens. Edward, Alice and Emmett Cullen, Jasper and Rosalie Hale and of course their adoptive parents, as if they needed any, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, to whom I was introduced soon after.

I started to date Edward around the same time I found out that he was a vampire, as were the rest of his family. Also, I found out that the rumors around the school that Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett were dating weren't exactly true. In reality, they were married for far more years than I was alive.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot, even though they were vampires, Edward and his family did NOT eat human blood, they liked to call themselves vegetarians, because they only took the blood of animals, but not without difficulty. I was witness to several episodes that shown how much they desired human blood, and how much they struggled not to have it. They said they resisted the pull of human blood because they didn't want to become monsters, I can't say that I disagree with them.

I must confess that Edward was my first and, up to this point, only boyfriend. And to tell you the truth, I was ecstatic to finally have found someone that liked me. I will tell you once again that was what they call a loser in Phoenix, and obviously, I didn't get much attention from guys, better yet, I got absolutely no attention from guys in Phoenix.

To this day, I still don't understand what Edward saw in me, why such a beautiful and graceful creature would waste his time on me. But I wasn't really complaining.

Right in the beginning of our relationship we came face to face with a coven of vampires that did drink human blood, and one of them, James, took and special interest in me over the fact that Edward wanted to protect me.

James took upon himself to hunt me, and terrorize me and the Cullens, until the moment that he finally got me alone. Over his own stupidity, James decided to play with me, stalling until Edward had enough time to find me. They fought and my boyfriend won. When the rest of the family arrived, they killed James.

I was almost turned into a vampire by James that night, but Edward was able to suck the poison out of me, preventing the change. I must admit that I wasn't entirely happy that Edward stopped it, I was more than glad to become a vampire, but Edward didn't want to condemn my soul.

When my 18th birthday rolled around, Alice convinced me to let her throw me a party at their house. She assured me it would only be me and the Cullens, after all, no need to test their still wavering control.

Alice, well, she was able to convince me of anything, even things I knew I would regret doing later. I really don't know why, I felt that I needed to give her whatever it was that she desired.

But anyways, when I was opening the presents, I accidentally cut my hands with a paper, which made Jasper completely lose it. He attacked me, and Edward pushed me to protect me as he lunged at Jasper. Problem was, he pushed me too hard and I ended up thrown against a table filled with crystals, resulting in a bigger cut and more blood.

Carlisle patched me up, as he was a doctor and apparently the only one in the house who could stand being with so much blood without attacking me.

Not long after that, Edward broke up with me and left the city with his family, because he thought it was too dangerous for me to hang out with vampires, of course he didn't really word it like that. He told me that he was leaving because he never loved me anyway, that he had made a mistake in dating me. Of course I believed him, I mean, I already thought he was too good for me, and I could not understand how he hadn't see it earlier. Besides he wasn't the first guy to tell me that I was ugly or repulsing or anything of the sort, remember: Phoenix.

So, yeah, I spend some months really depressed, seeing that I had lost not only my boyfriend, but also his entire family, which also included my best friend Alice. I knew it was useless to try to contact Edward, after all he didn't want me anymore, but I tried to contact Alice. I sent her several emails, hoping she would give me a sign that she still cared about me, but I never received any answer from her.

In this time I started to hang out with Jacob Black a lot. Jacob was the son of Billy Black, one of Charlie's friends, so he, I and his sisters used to play when we were younger, whenever I came to visit Charlie. Jacob was 16, two years younger than me, but he quickly became my best friend and the rock I had to hold on to after everything that was happened in my life. He had feelings for me and I knew it, and I'm ashamed to say that I used these feelings to keep him around me.

It worked until he became a werewolf, destined to kill vampires, and he kind of stayed away from me both to keep me safe and because Sam, the Alfa of his pack, ordered him to. After I found out of his transformation, we started to hang out more, but still not as much as before, as now he had his duties as a werewolf to fulfill, one of them being protect me from Victoria, James' mate, which wanted to kill me to revenge his death.

With nothing better to do, I decided to go cliff jumping, recreationally of course, thing is, I almost got myself killed because I couldn't fight the current. Thankfully Jacob found me in time, pulled me out and took me home.

Imagine my surprise when I got home and found Alice there. You can't imagine how happy I was to finally see her, for a moment I actually thought I had drowned and gone to heaven.

She told me she had seen me jump, but she hadn't seen me come out of the water. She thought I was dead, you could almost see the tears in her eyes, but sadly, vampires couldn't cry.

Another thing I think I forgot to mention, besides being vampires, indestructible, fast and incredible beautiful, some of the Cullens had others special powers. Edward could read people's minds, all but mine, Jasper could feel people's emotions and control them and Alice could see the future.

Anyway, due to some misunderstandings, Edward got the idea that I was dead, so he flew off to Italy to ask the Volturi to kill him. You see, being a vampire, it was not easy to get himself killed. The best way was to provoke the Volturi, some sort of vampire royalty that killed whoever broke their laws, the most important being the one that stated that vampires were to keep their identity hidden from humans.

So, there we go, me and Alice to Italy, to keep Edward from exposing himself. We got there just in time. I showed myself to him, and he realized I was still alive. So we were taken to the Volturi, after some debate, they let us go under the promise that I would be turned. We returned home, the Cullens moved back to Forks and Edward and I got back together.

And finally we got to the part that I was talking about in the beginning, you see, because up to the point that I saved Edward from killing himself, I thought he was doing it out of guilt, for leaving me and somehow making me depressed enough to kill myself or something along those lines. That I could understand, not that I agreed with it in anyway, but that I could comprehend.

But when I saved him, Edward told me that he was going to kill himself over the fact that he was so in love with me that he could not live in a world that I didn't exist. As I stated before, I did not understand that. I did not see what you could possible feel to sacrifice your life over someone else. That's when I started my search for the definition of love.

And after all my search, I'm disappointed to say that I did not love Edward Cullen.

* * *

And here it is. Not much of Alice, I know, but it is coming. Next chapter will be up in a week or so.

Please review.


	2. In the Arms of an Angel

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

AN: Thanks to Hyper-Hayls-13, Silver Ice Bullet, Vel Angelus Vox, Imagination Genius and xXxZellyxXx for reviewing. I hope you all like this one, it kinda gives you the heads up of where this story is going.....

BTW, this is the first time i write a story from someone's POV, so i'm having some trouble not being able to express everyone's thoughs and feelings, and it might get a little confusing. That being said, feel free to ask any questions or give any tips (over this or anything else) on anything that's bothering you.... ;)

Now, enough talking, let's get to the interesting part.... lol

* * *

**Chapter 2 - In the Arms of an Angel**

_And after all my search, I'm disappointed to say that I did not love Edward Cullen._

That didn't mean, however, that I was about to tell him that. I mean, he was my first boyfriend, the first guy that took an interest in me, Mike Newton excluded, and apart from the leaving me to keep me safe thing he had been the perfect boyfriend. He treated me like a queen. Why would I want to let that go?

Besides Edward had admitted countless times that he was in love with me, and I saw no reason to break his heart. So instead, I decided to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear.

"I love you too, Edward."

I kind of felt weird saying that now that I know it is not true, kind of dirty. But I was able to convince myself that it was not wrong to lie, as long as you do it for the right reasons. Right? And he liked to hear it so much, there is no way telling him this could be something wrong, even if my conscience was telling me otherwise.

It's been like this for a few weeks now; things were almost back to normal. With the exception that now Charlie had declared war against Edward, my father blamed him for my depression when he left and for my absence from the US for a few days, which meant that there were strict hours that I was allowed to see Edward. Not that we followed it really, I mean he was a vampire, for crying out loud, he could come in and out of my room whenever he chose to.

It was actually funny that Edward was the only one to take the blame for my dark time, as Charlie referred to it; even it was his entire family that had left me. I wasn't about to point that out to him though, this way I was allowed to see any of the other Cullens as much as I wanted, and by the other Cullens of course I mean Alice. Not that I didn't like any of the others, but it was different with her, don't ask me why.

I was kind of happy, I think. I had my boyfriend and my best female friend back, Jacob was still mad at me for choosing a vampire over him, but I hoped that he would get over it someday.

Speaking of best friends, here we were, Alice and I taking a walk in the woods. The others were all at minding their own business, Edward included; it was just me and her, and I really liked when it was just the two of us. I mean, she was different when there was no one else around. I know she was always carefree, but when there was only the two of us, it was like she was lighter, like someone lifted the world from her shoulders and it made me happy to see her like this.

It was like she wasn't holding anything back, it was like she could actually be herself. I didn't know if anyone else got the privilege to see her this way, if she let everything else go whenever she was alone with someone. I liked to think that I was special somehow, that not even Jasper was allowed to see this side of her. I know that it was wishful thinking, but can you blame me?

Alice decided to show me her favorite spot in Forks, and I have to say that we walked quite a bit to the point that if she let me here, there was no way that I could ever find my way back. We had walked for a few hours at least, but I think that in vampire speed she would have no problem getting to wherever she wanted to get to a few minutes at the most. This walk must be really tedious for her, I mean, look at me and look at her. She is a vampire; this must be like slow motion for her, especially with me falling down every five minutes or so. But in spite all that, she never complained, and she always held me before I fell face first to the ground.

Right now, she was smiling at something I said. I don't even remember what I said, not with her perfect smile dazzling me. I wish I could remember, so that I could say it again, and hopefully get the same reaction. Without my command, my lips reflected hers, smiling at my best friend, as I stared into her eyes.

I saw when her eyes left my face and traveled down my body, taking me in. Something told me I should be bothered by it, but I could not find it in me to care. She was staring at me, openly so, and I liked it. Her eyes traveled back up, and stayed fixated in my lips. I almost didn't realize that mine were doing the same, and her smirk told me that she had noticed it. It was if she was calling me to her, as if there was something pulling me, and I didn't want to resist.

You see, I'm really an accident prone person, even when I'm paying attention to what I'm doing, imagine what happens when I am not. I almost fell down, again, but Alice caught me just before I hit the ground. Weird, usually, she catches me much before that. Maybe she got distracted.

What was even weirder was the fact that even though she had already helped me up, she was still holding onto me. I was just about to ask her about that, when a look at her eyes made me shut my mouth. They were completely black.

If it was a normal person, it wouldn't be a problem, but here is another thing I haven't told you about vampires. Their hunger, their lust for blood is reflected through their eyes. The darker they get, the more likely you are to become their latest snack.

"Alice?" I asked, but she wasn't listening, she was too far gone. Looking at her, I wondered if this was how I was gonna die. In the arms of an angel. It was funny really, after everything we went through, after all the enemies we had faced; it would be Alice that killed me. We were too distant from the Cullen's house for me to call for help, not even a vampire's sensitive hearing would be able hear me so far away. And if someone else heard, and came to help, it would only put them in harm's way. It was best that I kept quiet.

For a moment, I wondered if she had planned this, taking me away, somewhere her family couldn't interfere. But I dismissed the idea as quickly as it came. Alice would never plan my death, besides the fact that she was a vegetarian; she was also my best friend. She would never do something like this to anyone, much less to me.

I felt more than saw her lips descend on me. I wasn't paying attention to anything other than the fact that Alice was beautiful. Some remote memory came into my mind: Edward was telling me that vampires could draw their victims in, putting you under some kind of thrall that made it impossible for you to defy. And I supposed that it was what Alice was doing, for I felt no desire within me to escape. There was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be in.

To my surprise, her lips did not reach my neck, as I expected. It was not a kiss from death; it was a real kiss, for Alice's lips were now on my own.

It took me a second to understand what was happening, but once I did I let my eyes fall closed as I kissed her back. It started slow, gentle, but it quickly escalated, and soon we were fighting for dominance. Not that I had any chance of winning, but I could only dream.

One of her hands was in my hair, holding our lips together. The other was in my ass, moving me up and down with her superhuman strength, creating some kind of friction between our bodies.

Her skin was cold, but it was a nice change from the heat that was building inside of me. Her body was indestructible, but it still bended to my will as I touched and kissed her. I could feel a tree behind my back, but I couldn't fathom how it got there. All I knew was Alice, all I felt was Alice. It was like we were caught in a bubble, and for a moment nothing else existed.

I was the first to come, calling out her name, with her right after me. Only her way of showing it was distinctive to say the least. She bit me as she came. Alice sunk her teeth into my neck and drank avidly. Looks like I'm not getting out of this alive after all. The last thing I heard before I succumbed to a world of darkness was her angelic voice.

"Oh, no!"

And just after the moment of most pleasure of my entire life, came the pain. Unbearable. Agonizing. Excruciating. Pain.

* * *

And this is it.... What do you think will happen next? You have three guesses.... lol

Please Review.


	3. My New Life

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

Thanks to Imagination Genius, yellowsmurf6, Kyraaah1992, Melanie-Kisaragi, grangergirl22, gooby, zoelol, Hyper-Hayls-13, soyunax, Xishmish, Avarenda, xXxZellyxXx and 1WiththeButterfly for the reviews.

So abou the sex part, i know it was kinda of sudden and not really explained, it will be at some point. And about describing it, well i had it written but i didnt know how far i could go with it without changing the rating so i decided to just cut it out. i just kept the last part, the one they come, because someone needed to get bitten. but when i read it again i thought something was missing too, so does anyone has any idea on how i feel in the blank without having to actually describe the sex?

Another thing, sorry for taking so long to update, but i had to get out of the city last week, it was kinda of an emergency and there was no internet where i was. Seriously, no internet. worst part is that i have chapter 5 written and i couldnt post the 3th because there was no internet. oh yes, i had until the 5th chapther written, but now i'm pretty much changing them according to what you like, so do tell me what you wanna read.

I'm glad that you liked the last chapter, hope you like this one too.

* * *

**Chapter 3 - My New Life**

_And just after the moment of most pleasure of my entire life, came the pain. Unbearable. Agonizing. Excruciating. Pain. _

It seemed that an eternity later I opened my eyes and, for a moment, the absence of pain was all I could comprehend. I looked up, at the ceiling, trying to understand where I was, trying to grasp what had happened to me.

The first thing I noticed was that everything was unbelievably clear. How could I see things so defined, so detailed? I could see, hear and smell literally everything. It was like I had seen and felt everything trough a veil before this moment, and for the first time I felt truly alive.

Next I realized that I was not alone. I got up and crouched at the farthest corner in less than a second, hissing at the enemy. Or enemies, as I know noticed. There were seven figures staring at me. Beautiful figures, but a treat none the less. And I was more than prepared to attack.

There was a man in the middle, blond, calm and he started to come forward flanked by two others. They were both strong, one was also blond and the other had black hair. They all stopped as I growled.

"Bella." The middle man said from his position. He was talking to me, and it took me a moment before I remembered that Bella was my name. "It's me, Carlisle."

The name was somewhat familiar, but I wasn't exactly sure where to place it. I also realized that his face was not unknown, nor were the other's behind him. Noticing my gaze, the man that introduced himself as Carlisle continued.

"And this is my family." He said pointing behind him. "You know them, Bella. This is Jasper and Emmett behind me. And there is Alice, Esme, Rosalie and Edward. We will not harm you."

I knew those people. I knew them. They were like a family to me; I remember already saying it someday. And slowly, I was filled with images of my time with them. With this in mind I straightened myself up, mumbling a sorry that I was sure they had all heard loud and clear. I didn't understand why I had acted like that, I was ready to attack them. Weird.

Finally, I noticed that I was wearing a dress and that I didn't really like it.

"I chose it, Bella." Alice said, taking a few steps in my direction. She was stopped by Jasper "I had to find something for you to wear; your clothes were completely torn." The pixie explained apologetic.

I tried to remember why that was, what had happened to my clothes. And slowly those images came to mind. Me. Alice. Against a tree. I felt a surge of lust within me, like nothing I had ever felt before. I stared at Alice and I saw my emotions reflected in her eyes.

Jasper came forward, blocking my line of view and I wondered if he knew what had happened. He had obviously picked up on the tension in the room, but did he know? Had Alice told him? Did the others know?

I looked at Edward, but he refused to look back at me. It seemed as he was set on looking right over my shoulder. He seemed more pained now, if that was possible. His jaw was set. He was unquestionably tense, probably angry.

One look at him and I knew that he knew. I could see it in his face, and it upset me to know that I had hurt him. He had done nothing wrong, it was all my fault. I wanted to tell him that, ask for forgiveness, but for some reason the words would not leave my mouth. My betrayal was killing him, and I loathed myself for it.

I hung my head in shame and sorrow. Carlisle must have picked up on it, because he decided to intervene.

"Bella, I am sure that there are a lot that needs to be discussed, but I believe that there are more pressing matters to attend to at the moment."

"What matters?" I asked, and I was amazed at how my voice had changed. It was like music now, so beautiful.

"Well, aren't you thirsty?" Carlisle inquired.

Thirsty? Why would I be thirsty? And even if I was, I'm sure this could not be more important than what I had done. Unless he meant this burning inside my throat. I hadn't been paying much attention to it, but now that he had mentioned it was starting to bother me. Really bother me, and the more I thought about it, worse it became.

That's when I finally understood it. Besides mine and Alice's indiscretion, if you could call it that, something else had happened that day. I had died, in a way. I was no longer human. Alice had turned me; she had turned me into a vampire.

I'm not sure how should I feel about this, but right now, I guess I'm just too overwhelmed to think about it. I could ignore it and wait to consider what that actually meant until there were not 7 vampires staring at me.

"Yes. I think so." I knew how the others lost their mind when the bloodlust took over and I didn't want that to happen to me. I liked being in control of myself.

"Then we better take you out to hunt, first. Any other matter can wait until later." The oldest of the family affirmed.

We went downstairs and I wondered what had happened. The living room was a mess, there was broken glass, tables and there were even some holes in the wall. It was like a hurricane had passed through it. But I didn't question it, I had other things on my mind, like what would happen to me now, how and where would I live.

I followed Carlisle as he took me to the woods and taught me how to hunt. Animals, of course. The rest of the family was close by, making sure that there would be no accidents. And by accidents I mean they were making sure I wouldn't kill any humans.

It bothered me a bit that I had killed an animal, and that the others had watched me do it. Some part of me wanted to attack them, afraid that they would steal my food, but I managed to keep that part at bay. I guess I would have to get used to all of it now.

On the way back, I had already grown used to the speed of which we ran across the woods. I adored the feeling of the wind in my face, I was free. It was like I was flying.

As soon as we reached the house, I noticed Esme become distressed. And I'm sure the only reason that she was not crying was because she couldn't. She hugged Edward and whispered.

"Don't go."

He made no sign that he had heard it. Obviously he did, seeing as I had heard it too, but he chose to ignore it. He then hugged Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett. Edward didn't even spare a glace to Alice and Jasper's direction. I don't know how Alice had done it, if Jasper had forgiven her somehow, but it seemed as if they were still a couple.

Edward was going to ignore me too, but I stopped him before he could get far. I know that I didn't have the right to demand anything, but it hurt that he would dismiss me like that.

"What is going on, Edward?" I asked, holding onto his arm. He pulled back as if it burned him.

"I can't stay here anymore. I'm sorry, but I just can't." He answered, his voice was strained, and his face was contorted in pain. "I only waited this long because I wanted to make sure you were alright. But this is too much. Goodbye, Bella." Edward never once looked at me while he explained. I didn't really blame him.

I got the feeling that he never expected to see me again, and I hoped he was wrong, because even if I had already admitted to myself that I was not in love with him, I still cared about him. A lot. He was a big part of my life and I enjoyed hanging out with him. Talking and laughing. I knew I would miss him.

"Come on, Bella. Let's get inside." Carlisle urged me, and I realized I had not moved from my spot ever since Edward left. And that had been quite sometime ago.

Entering the house, I came face to face again to the mess that was inside. I looked at Emmett and he answered my questions.

"After what happened, well, Edward kinda lost it. Alice is still alive only because Carlisle intervened."

I felt again the shame and sorrow for what I had done. It seemed that now I had the eternity to be haunted by it.

The others were waiting for me in a circle. They were all standing, seeing as the furniture had not survived Edward's attack. Good thing vampires did not feel the need to sit down.

"Bella" Carlisle started "There are quite a few things we need to discuss now that you were changed." I only nodded and he continued. "Well, first I need to ask you if you want to follow our lifestyle."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Well, I want to know if you plan on hunting huma-"

"NO!" I interrupted him, my voice sounded too loud even to my own ears, but I wanted to make sure that they understood I had no intention to ever harm a human being.

"That's good to hear. I guarantee to you that everyone in this house will help you in this task as much as we can. If you feel you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. We know how difficult this change can be."

"Okay. Thanks." I said. I didn't know what to say to that. Why were they being so nice? After all I have done, I wouldn't have blamed them if they just threw me out and never looked at me again. I mean, Edward had just left because of what I have done. I'm sure they would rather he stayed than me.

"I need to tell you of our plans concerning your abstinence for Charlie." Carlisle continued

Charlie. My father. My mother. Phil. My friends. I had almost forgotten about them. But can you blame me? After everything we have been trough?

"As Edward may have told you," The mention of his name sent a new wave of guilt into me, but none of the family members seemed to realize it. I either became a better liar after I was turned or they didn't care either way. "Newborns are known for their lack of self control so we believe that you better not come in contact with any humans for a while. We came up with a plan while you were unconscious."

Unconscious, really? Is that what they called it? I don't remember being unconscious. Because if I was unconscious I wouldn't remember the pain. And pain was all I remembered.

"We will tell everyone that you and Edward ran off together. He left us a letter explaining everything, and I think you could read it and write one yourself so that we can send Charlie. This way you may see Charlie if you ever regain control of yourself while he is still alive." Carlisle explained.

"Oh, OK. That's good. So, I'll just start writing mine now and-" I wanted to end this meeting as fast as possible. I wanted some time alone to process everything that had happened.

"In a moment, Bella" Carlisle continued. "We still have the problem with the treaty. The wolves won't like that you were turned, Bella, and it will be too suspicious if we simply pack up and leave. We will be never able to return. I want to know if anyone else thought of a solution since our last night."

The treaty. I think that's something I hadn't mentioned until now, right? So, it's like this. A long time ago Carlisle and the others were in Forks and they encountered Jacob's ancestors. You know, werewolves. But not really, they are actually shape shifters, who happen to turn into wolves, but that's beside the point.

So, as I was saying, they all met, but the wolves knew they were not in enough numbers to attack the vampires, and Carlisle never wants to hurt anyone so they made a deal. The wolves would leave them alone as long as they never harmed a human being and they kept out of the Quileute Lands. Wild guess here, but they might see me turning until a vampire as, you know, harming a human being. Where did they get that idea?

So, anyway, the room was quiet; no one knew what to say. I looked at Alice for the first time ever since I remembered what had happened, and I saw that she was filled with guilt as much, or maybe even more so, than me. She blamed herself not only because she had been unfaithful to her husband, and the mistress of her brother's girlfriend, but she had also lost control of the monster inside of her and put the entire family in a position that they could be exposed or maybe even killed by the wolves.

I could not bear to let her feel like this. It hurt me deeply to see her sad, so I said the first thing that came into my mind.

"What if I explained to them that I was willing to be changed?"

"What?" They all asked

"I could talk to Jake; convince him that it was all my idea and I wanted to be changed. I can ask him to let this go."

"Bella, you can't come close to your friend, you may harm him." Esme explained to me, in her mother-like voice.

"But you always say that they stink, won't that be enough to keep me from killing him?"

"I believe Bella may be right. Hopefully, their unpleasant smell will keep her from harming them. And seeing that is our only idea, if it doesn't work, I believe we will have to move to keep from going into war with their tribe."

"Ok, so that's settled then, Bella will try to talk to the dogs and we will be right behind her, because if it doesn't work we may attack and maybe already take a few of them down." Emmett exclaimed, jokingly. Or so, I hoped.

"Emmett!" Esme chastised "We will not attack the wolves."

"Spoilsport" He replied, and her only response was an eye roll.

"In that case, I believe we have discussed the more pressing matters." Carlisle said. "Now, I'm sure Alice and Bella need to talk. I trust that Alice can show Bella her new room."

My new room. They were really welcoming me into their family. How could they do this? Were they really that selfless? I had just made their son leave. He had said so himself. Edward could not stay near me, and they were giving me a room?

Rosalie had not said a word during this whole exchange, and I almost missed it. If there was something she could do was speak her mind and I wanted to know what she was really thinking. What they were all really thinking.

Jasper was another that had kept quiet during the entire exchange, but I'm sure that he was not celebrating my new living arrangements. No one could be that selfless. Really, would you want the woman with whom your wife had just cheated on you living in the same house as you?

"Yes, of course." My little pixie answered. Wait, when did she become mine?

* * *

That was it. So, what do you think will happen between those two?

Next chapter must be here next tuesday.

Please review.


	4. You and I

****

The Definition of Love

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

Avarenda, gooby, 1WiththeButterfly, Kyraaah1992, zoelol and Melanie-Kisaragi thanks a lot for the reviews.

So, i read them, and i tried to fit all your ideas in the story. Most were not in this chapter, but they will happen soon (up to 50 years or 10 chapters, whatever happens first lol).

Melanie-Kisaragi, sorry, but Edward will have to come back at some point. His power will be needed, but i'll try to delay it as much as possible ;)

I also saw that most of you want to know what is going on on everyone else minds, that is something that i cant change. When i started this story, i was going to write it in third person, like all my other stories, and then i thought it would be cool to let it only on Bella because she didnt really know what was happening and everyone would find out along with her. So you all will have to stick until the end if you want your questions answered (insert evil laugh)

Also, 1WiththeButterfly, as i was reading your review, i found one of your lines really funny and i kind of put it in the story, hope you dont mind. Now, i'm daring you to find it. BTW, what is frankenstein style?

So, i know i said i would post this last night but i kinda fell asleep. So not nice waking up with your face on your keyboard. But hey, at least now it is here.... Hope you all like it.

* * *

**Chapter 4 – You and I**

"_Yes, of course." My little pixie answered. Wait, when did she become mine?_

I waited for Alice to show me the way, but it took Jasper a moment to let her go. He was not happy about it, quite the contrary; he made no effort to hide his pain, so I turned away. I did not want to come to face with another person I hurt.

There was no doubt in me that he was prolonging this moment for as long as possible, he didn't want to leave us together. That much was clear. I think I wouldn't either if I was in his position. Alice was the masterpiece, and he knew he was lucky to have her.

"Come on, Bella." Alice told me when she was ready, as she led me to my new room. She did not have her usual bounce in her step, actually she seemed that she was being taken to the death roll. Like that could happen. Well, I guess it could, if we were talking about the Volturi, but I digress.

I think I was a little hurt, okay, not a little, a lot hurt that it caused her so much suffering to be alone with me, but I guess there was nothing I could about it now, just maybe talk to her and try to salvage whatever friendship we still have left.

I followed her to what used to be the guest room, Esme had just told me that I could change it as I saw fit. The mother of the house was still kind and gentle, but I could see how something was missing, like she had lost someone she loved dearly. Considering Edward, I think that was to be expected.

We got to the bedroom, I mean my new bedroom, and I waited for Alice to begin. I had no idea on how to start this conversation.

It took her a while to start talking and I began to wander around the bedroom, trying to feel at home here. Alice just watched me. I think she liked that she got more time to stall, I didn't mind, I had nothing better to do for the rest of eternity. Maybe being here in her presence might not be the worst thing to do until the end of days. Okay, where did that come from?

"Bella" She whispered, she didn't want the others to hear what we were about to say and I decided to do the same. "I don't really know what to say here, and you are not helping either because I think you are kinda indecisive so I can't see what will happen, and that's making me nervous." Alice was babbling, I don't think I had ever seen her babble, or nervous for that matter. But I guess it was cute.

"Trust me, Alice. The feeling is mutual." I guess if I was a human I would be fidgeting, but seeing as I was a vampire, I didn't see the need for that anymore.

"It doesn't really make it better, but I suppose that I'm in no position to demand anything from you." I'm not sure I was supposed to hear that. And I had no idea what to say.

"That's not true, Al." Al? "You can ask me anything. You are my friend." I added as an afterthought.

"You are too kind, Bella. But, I think that maybe I should start by telling you that I'm sorry. I know I don't have the right to ask for your forgiveness. But I really am. Sorry, I mean. I don't know why I lost it, Bella. I swear I don't. I wasn't even thirsty. I hadn't seen it happen in any of my visions. I promise, if I knew I would have never invited you." Alice pleaded, and I didn't need to be an empath to see that she was torturing herself with guilt.

"I know, Alice. But there is no need to apologize, I'm not mad that you turned me." I assured her. This must have been killing her.

I still hadn't had time to consider what being a vampire meant. When I was with Edward, he made sure I knew he would never turn me, so I never actually wondered what it would be like, not really, just silly thoughts. And with Alice it was so quickly, everything was happening to me at once and I needed to sit down to let it sink, I think. But either way, I was sure that I wouldn't be mad at her. No one could possibly be mad at Alice.

"I thought you might say that, but still, even if you wanted to become one of us, it could have been done a little different. You could have known about it beforehand, for starters."

"True." I replied chuckling, and after a moment Alice joined me. God, I really loved her laugher. "Alice, it's okay. I'm not mad. I think we just got caught up in the moment, I think it just meant different things for the two of us. You being a vampire and all."

"I should have behaved better, I should have been able to control myself. I will say this, even if you don't believe in me or if you don't care, I will continue telling you that I AM SORRY."

"I'm not." I quickly replied, coming closer to her and holding her hands, I wanted to comfort her. She made no mention to let go.

I felt small tingles run up my arms, and take over my body. It was not new to me, it had happened every time we touched. However, I was surprised with the intensity of it. It had never been so strong, maybe it was me being a vampire, maybe there was another reason, but either way it took me a moment to get used to the feeling and pay attention to what she was saying.

"Either way, I'm gonna help you with anything you need. I'll teach you everything I know. I'll make this transition as easy as possible for you." She had let go of my hands to caress my face and I shivered. "I promise I'll take care of you."

"Thanks." I know that if I was a human my heart would have been beating like crazy. But now, my body was reacting differently. I could feel myself getting aroused by her gesture. I told myself to calm down, this was Alice, my best friend. Nothing more.

"And about the other thing that happened there-" That's when I pulled away. I didn't want to hear her dismiss me or what had happened between us. Don't ask me why.

"Alice, it's alright. We got caught up in the moment. I'll not cause trouble for you and Jasper." I said, walking to the other side of the room, staring at the woods outside. She walked behind me, turning me around. Her fingers were touching the bare skin on my arm, and for a moment that was everything I could think about.

"It's not that simple, Bella." She replied looking down at her feet. "Not anymore."

"How come, Alice?" I asked slowly, I'm not sure I'd like what she had to say. My brain was still a little foggy, after all she was still touching me.

"You are a newborn vampire, Bella. Vampires act on urges, newborns more so than normal. I'm sure you have already realized. Blood, yes. But there is another one." I tried to clear my head and think what the answer could possibly be. I thought over what I had crossed my mind ever since I woke up. And like a brick wall, it hit me.

"Sex." I mumbled.

It was true, there were several times from the time that I woke up to now that I had imagined throwing her on the floor and having my way with her. I don't remember having these feelings as strong as a human, even if my memories of my human life were all blurred and mumbled up together.

I do remember a few dreams and doing some stuff with her. But that's normal right? It was because we always hang out together, not like they meant anything. They were just dreams, it's not like they would actually happen. Except maybe the one time they did happen and I became a vampire, but who is keeping score?

She started to draw circles with her hands on my skin and I had to take deep unneeded breaths to calm myself down. Is she trying to kill me? Again?

"Yes. And although you have shown an amazing self control, we don't think it's a good idea to make you give up another one of these desires." She explained slowly, as if she knew that I battling myself to pay attention to what she was saying. "You will need all of your strength to keep up with our special diet"

She had a point, but still it was not like I was going insane with the blood lust or anything. Actually I think I was having more trouble controlling my urge to fuck her than resisting my desire for blood. But that was probably because there was no human nearby.

"What are you saying, Alice? That if I feel the need to have sex, I can just take anyone in the house and screw them?" I asked, sarcastically. Even with I had to live with the lust, I'm not sure there was anything that could be done. I couldn't really force someone to have sex with me. Besides, after what I have done, maybe I deserved it.

"Not anyone, Bella." She replied, staring into my eyes. "Me. You can take me, anytime you need."

"Alice? That's an absurd. You are married." I pretty much yelled, not really caring that the others could probably hear me. What she was suggesting was completely ridiculous. I pulled back, keeping as much distance between our bodies as the bedroom allowed. I need to get my head to work properly.

"So are the others, its better if it is me." I finally understood what she wasn't saying, what she would never admit. She thought it was her fault I was a newborn vampire, so it was her obligation to do this. "Jasper knows, he has agreed with it." And I'm sure that he was just so happy with that. Yeah, right.

"It's better if it is no one, Alice. I can't let you do this. I won't." I informed her, regaining my calm. It would be like forcing her to have sex with someone she didn't want, she was my best friend, and I cared for her. I would never hurt her, not if I could help it.

"But you don't see it, Bella. It's not about want." She said, invading my personal space. "It's about need."

Her hands travelled up and down my arms and I forgot why I was so against the idea. There it was again, the lust. The one I had never felt before, not that I had much experience, but I could not see how this could be normal.

I had not recovered from the sensations that her touch just moments ago were doing to my easily excited body. That's why when her lips touched mine, I let go of anything holding me back and just surrendered myself to her.

* * *

We were lying in bed, naked, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Alice was lying on top of me, caressing my cheek, planting light kisses on my face. I could feel butterflies moving around inside my belly.

"Is this how it's always going to be?" I asked her, before I lost my mind again. I could feel it slipping away from me.

"I don't know, Bella. I'm also new at this. I have never turned anyone." For some reason that made me happy, knowing that I was the only one. How screwed up must I be to feel jealous of her biting someone else? "What do you want to happen?"

"I don't know. It's so much." I answered truthfully. "But you don't need to keep doing this, Alice. I am sure I can find a way to manage by myself."

"Do you not want me?" For a moment I thought she was joking, but it took one look in her eyes to know that she was serious. That she was actually scared of being rejected. I don't know how that was possible. She was freaking amazing. Who could ever say no to her?

"Of course I do." I said after a while. I didn't want to admit that, it was like admitting a weakness or something. And by admitting it I would give her power to control me, and that's something I despised. I think I have already told you, I like being the one in control of myself. "But you don't need to keep doing this for me. It's not fair to you. It's like I'm forcing you."

"Bella, I'm not doing anything I don't want to." She kissed me after saying that, I think she was trying to prove her point. It was sweet, but at the same time powerful and I could tell she felt the same desire that I felt for her. If Alice was Ok with it, and Jasper was OK with it, I wasn't going to be the one that was going to have a problem with this agreement.

"Alice, can I ask you something?" I asked timidly, I wasn't really sure how she was gonna react to that.

"Anything." My pixie said, kissing me. I think she may be taking a liking to that. I really didn't mind, but that was really distracting, and if she kept that up, I would never be able to ask her what I wanted to.

"What really happened between you and Edward? Emmett said he almost killed you? How is that possible? Wouldn't you be able to see his moves and protect yourself?" I said quickly, trying to get it out there as fast as possible. Before I lost my nerve and my will to ask. Why should I talk when we could be doing so much better things with our mouths?

I could see that she was not comfortable answering this question or maybe she was not comfortable talking about Edward in general, I'm not really sure. But I know that for the first time, she stopped touching me and shrunk away to the other side of the king sized bed. I followed her, keeping a certain distance between our bodies, as she had intended. I still wasn't sure what we were to each other, and I was not sure she wouldn't be bothered by me.

Talk about killing the mood.

"I stopped. That day, for some reason I stopped and I don't know how, Bella. I don't think you know how close you came to actually being dead. I had already given up fighting and then suddenly I stopped. Another minute and I would have sucked you dry." I knew that there was more to that story than she was letting on, but I let her get away with it this time. I would make her tell me the rest someday. "I knew I wouldn't be able to just suck the poison out of you. I ran back and I found Carlisle. I told him what happened and he left to find you. He came back holding you in his arms saying that there nothing else anyone could do."

I stopped her story with a kiss on her cheek. I wanted to comfort her. She didn't seem to mind, actually I was sure I saw a smile in her lips for a second.

"It's Okay, Ali." Here it is again, what's up with me and the nicknames?

"Edward got home at that moment. I think he read my mind, because suddenly, he was furious." She took an unnecessary breath before continuing. Her eyes were closed and her face was tense. "He was attacking me with everything he had. I could not protect myself because he wasn't planning anything. He was attacking me in blind rage. He didn't decide his next move, so my power was useless against him. And that moment, I really didn't feel like I should be defending myself. I really thought I deserved what Edward was doing. Eventually, Carlisle was able to stop him." There was so much remorse in her voice, so much pain and sorrow. It killed me to see my best friend so sad.

"Alice, I'm not mad at you. You don't need to feel guilty over turning me." I reassured her, breaking the space between us and holding her. When she didn't pull away, I figured it was okay to continue. I snuggled myself against her and she welcomed me, hugging me back.

"No, Bella, I was reckless. I felt myself losing control; I should have run away and left you there. Anyone could have come back to pick you up later. I don't know what came over me; I don't know why I stayed. It was like I had no control over my body."

"It's Ok. I don't blame you. I won't blame you or be mad at you for turning me. Not now, and not ever. And I'll keep saying that until you believe it." I said caressing her arm, I was starting to like this feeling.

Alice just looked at me for a moment, that could have lasted hours for all I cared, and then she pulled me into her lap, kissing me fervently. And there it was. The lust. Again.

* * *

And there it was. next one should be up in a week, that one will have major changes according to what you sugested. Also feel free to give any other ideas.

Please Review.


	5. Goodbye My Friend

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

AN: Thanks to Avarenda, zoelol, Melanie-Kisaragi, gooby and 1WiththeButterfly for the reviews. I really like to read what you have to say.

I got two reviews, one wanted them to get together soon, another wanted not to get together until they dealt with all their issues. This is the way I found to comply with both. Thing will work themselves out, but it might take a while.

And don't worry about Jasper, he will show his opinion soon enough. As will the others'.

Alice's situation is a little more complicated, and her feelings won't be shown up until the very end.

Edward is another story. For starts, I really didn't like him (specially on the third book), because he really was too controlling, but there won't be any Edward bashing. At least, there won't be any bashing without reason. lol

Gooby, do you say villain as someone that keeps them apart or do you mean someone that wants to kill them all, or something?

And 1WiththeButterfly, you got the line right. I guess you just didn't see it on the story… I guess I hid it well. :^D. This chapter won't have pitch forks and torches, but I hope this will be enough. And considering that this chapter didn't really exist (it was like 5 lines on the next chapter), it is dedicated to you.

I hope you all like it.

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Goodbye My Friend**

_Alice just looked at me for a moment, that could have lasted hours for all I cared, and then she pulled me into her lap, kissing me fervently. And there it was. The lust. Again._

And that's how we spent the entire day and night. I didn't know what the others were doing, and, truthfully? I didn't really care.

The next day, Carlisle asked for a meeting with the wolves. He told them he wanted to explain what really happened to me, I'm sure they had already heard the rumors of mine and Edward's leaving. The wolves accepted and we agreed to have it into the woods, in a clearing, far away from the city in case things got out of hand. I was thankful for that, I wasn't sure that I could handle being close to humans, and me losing control wasn't going to go well with them, I'm sure.

We met with the pack of werewolves at the same day, but it was already dark by the time we were all gathered in front of each other.

You know, they really do stink; no away in Hell I'm gonna drink that.

A few wolves, Jacob - I think - and some others I could not recognize, wanted to attack when they confirmed that I was no longer human, but they were stopped by an order from their Alpha. At least that's what I thought, because suddenly they stopped mid strike and went back to their side.

The Alpha, Sam, was easy to spot; he was in the middle, standing in all his splendor. He was also the biggest one of them. To his right side, there was the one I thought was Jacob, almost as big. The others I could not distinguish. I just knew there were more of them than the last time I had been in La Push, and they were all growling. That's not good.

On our side Carlisle was in the middle with Emmett and Jasper by his side. Rosalie was beside her husband, and Esme was beside Jasper. Alice was behind them, holding me back. We didn't want to appear threatening to them, but everyone knew we were in position to defend ourselves.

Alice's hands were wrapped around my body, as her front touched by back. I had to restrain myself from turning around and kissing her with all my strength when I felt her breath on my neck. It was a habit that I noticed that Alice had kept even though she didn't actually need the air anymore. I hadn't realized that before, when I was human, but after I was changed it became easy to detect.

To tell you the truth, I found that quite cute, it was the little things she like that that she did that made her so different from the others. So unique. So special.

It didn't escape anyone's notice that Edward wasn't around. It made things more difficult, especially to us. Edward's ability to read minds allowed him to translate the wolves' thoughts into words so that we could communicate.

I'm not sure I mentioned this before, but the Quileute pack could communicate among themselves using only their minds while they were in wolf form. They read each others' thoughts, and I imagine that could be kind of annoying, not having any privacy at all. I was always glad that Edward couldn't read my mind.

Actually, thanks to Edward's ability, he was the one the wolves most feared among us. Edward knew what you were thinking and how you were gonna attack and that allowed him to be one step ahead of them.

Unfortunately, Alice's power only worked on humans and vampires.

Carlisle's ability, on the other hand, was as a pacifist. He was able to stay calm in all situations and he could argue a deal that could serve everyone. Let's hope he could make this work, I didn't want to leave Forks, I kinda of liked Forks now, even if I couldn't go into the city where there were tasty humans.

Sam, noticing the situation, made a run into the forest to turn back into his human form and came back quickly wearing clothes. He was the leader of his pack and probably decided that if someone had to risk their lives by going to a meeting with vampires in their human form, it had to be him. He had to protect the others, fortunately for him, we had no intention of hunting them.

Sam stood two feet in front of his pack and Carlisle did the same in front of us. There were about a 400 ft between the two groups, but with our enhanced hearing that wouldn't be a problem.

"Thank you for meeting us here. It is a really important matter we have to discuss." Carlisle started in his usual calm and collected tone.

"Yes." Sam declared, his eyes were glued on mine. "But it seems that this will be our last reunion."

The wolf that I thought was Jacob roared. He wasn't too happy about my transformation. I saw it in his eyes that he wanted to end the treaty. He was trying to break out of his Alpha's orders.

"I hoped it was not. We are here to try to arrange some sort of understanding concerning Bella's situation." Carlisle continued, his voice completely calm.

"I'm not sure I understand. The treaty is simple. It doesn't leave much to interpretation." Sam stated, his words had a hint of irrevocability that I dreaded. At least he still had a clear head. I could see that he was the only thing holding back the pack. "And you broke it." His statement was followed by growling and barking, but he hadn't let the wolves loose. Yet.

"Still, you are here listening to me. There must be something that could change your mind. Maybe we can find a solution. A peaceful one." Carlisle pleaded, I knew that this was not how he hoped this meeting would go, even if he didn't let it show.

"Don't go making assumptions, leech. I agreed to meet you here because we wanted to make sure you had broken the treaty. And now it is obvious that you did. Bella is dead. In her place, there is this thing you turned her into." Sam said that as if he was disgusted by me, like I was beneath him.

Beside me, Alice growled, and I had to prevent her from attacking them and making an even bigger mess out of things. Wait, wasn't SHE supposed to be holding ME back, so that I wouldn't attack them?

She was struggling, trying to break free from my hold. If it wasn't for my superior newborn strength I would never be able to hold her back, it was like she was possessed.

I don't think I mentioned it before, but it was common knowledge that newborn vampires were stronger and faster than older vampires. It faded away after the first year, unfortunately. I would have enjoyed being the strongest among them, after all the times of hearing the Cullens telling me how weak I was, or how easily they could hurt me if they didn't pay enough attention. Loser was what people called me back in Phoenix.

There was only one problem though. Alice's twisting and wriggling was making me remember my earlier feelings of lust. And I almost let her go when her knee hit my hot center. I held her back at the last second, at the same time as I suppress a moan.

The wolves roared in return to her behavior, they wanted our heads burning in a fire.

Out of nowhere a wave of calm swept through the clearing. Alice quieted down and the wolves quit barking, they all seemed more relaxed. I looked at Jasper when I realized that it was his doing. He was using his power to control people's emotions to try to get them to listen. Too bad I was too worked up for it to work on me.

"And yet, you have not attacked us. You wish to end this as peaceful as I do, neither one of us wants to lose a member of our family. Tell me how we can make that happen." Carlisle continued, ignoring the looks of death in each one of their faces.

"Be careful, bloodsucker, you are stepping over the line. We will not attack, this is a peaceful meeting. But this is where it ends. The treaty is over, if we ever meet again, we will not hold back." Sam's words was final, he turned his back on us, preparing to leave.

And that's where it all went to hell.

I let go of Alice, and jumped over Carlisle and the others. With three strides, I was on the wolves' side.

"No! Wait! I can explain." I yelled. Sam was already back in his wolf form, and I couldn't understand him anymore. All I knew was that they didn't really seem all too friendly. "I asked for it. I wanted to turn into a vampire. It was all me, don't blame them." I was begging, but I didn't care. I needed to make them change their minds.

I heard growls and roars all around me. Both the thought that I was lying and that I was telling the truth bothered them. Because if I was lying, for some reason, I was covering up for someone, and if I was telling the truth, that made me a human that wanted to become a murderer. I think neither one of them went all that well with them.

They were preparing for the attack, and Sam wasn't holding them back anymore. I didn't know what to do, I had never gotten into a fight, not even when I was human. How could I defend myself against someone that was trained to kill me?

I saw one of them leap in my direction at the same time as I saw Alice by my side, standing between me and them.

I couldn't believe my eyes, she wasn't supposed to do this. She was going to get herself killed trying to protect me. I couldn't let that happen, just the thought of her being hurt torn my insides to pieces. But before I could do anything, the wolf that had leaped toward us stopped.

And I do mean that, it stopped.

In the air.

Like it hit a brick wall and fell to the ground. The others followed him, but they were all stopped by this invisible barrier. Confusion was written on all of their faces, and probably on mine too.

Alice curled up against me, I could feel her unnecessary breathe on my neck as we watched them try to break through the barrier. They were trying to gain momentum by taking a few extra steps back, but the barrier seemed to be holding. They were barking, growling and howling. Some of the wolves were even starting to bleed from hitting so hard.

If I could sleep, I would say that I was dreaming. This didn't seem real. It was like a weird apocalyptic movie. Like the dogs of hell, or something. I knew different though, I knew that we were the demons, we were the monsters. And they were trying to protect mankind. From us.

Maybe the treaty was not only an agreement of words, maybe it was more. Supernatural, who knows. After finding out that vampires and werewolves existed, I wouldn't put it past them to create a deal with its own powers. One deal that could protect itself. And maybe the treaty didn't think it had been broken after all.

But if that was the case, why would the wolves be so confused? Wouldn't they know this? Maybe not, none of them were alive when the deal was created. It had been their ancestors. But it could have been something else entirely. I needed to ask someone about this.

"Come on." Emmett yelled and someone pulled me back, I didn't know who. I wasn't looking at it.

All I saw was that it was Jasper who pulling Alice back. It annoyed me, seeing him holding her, but I had enough of self control to realize that it was not my place to say anything. Instead I turned away, and continued to watch Sam and the others trying to break through.

Something struck me though. I could see their spit and their blood slide down the invisible wall. It was weird, it made it feel real, like whatever it was, the wall really existed. Because up until now, it was air to me. And suddenly I could almost feel it, see its outline. It wasn't really clear, it was like something was off.

Entranced by what I saw I pulled away from whoever was holding me and ran to the barrier, I wanted to touch it, I wanted to feel it. My hand was half an inch away from the place the wolves could not cross when someone took hold of my arm and I lost whatever I was feeling or seeing on that weird barrier.

"Bella!" It was Emmett's voice again and I turned to see him. He was the one holding onto my arm. "Come on!" He pulled me again, and this time I let him lead me back.

Jasper was dragging an unwilling Alice to the others. Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie were just waiting to see that Emmett had gotten me under control to start running. Emmett saw that I was no longer gonna run to the barrier and let me go, and I started to run with them. Alice, noticing the same thing, stopped fighting Jasper and ran toward us, with him following closely behind.

In a second, all 7 of us were making our way back to our house, running like crazy. It wasn't really a problem to me, newborns were faster and stronger than other vampires, so I had to hold back to keep myself on their speed.

"Take only what can't be replaced." Carlisle stated calmly, and I wondered if there was something that could make him lose his cool.

I didn't really have anything there. When I moved in the day before I owned nothing, I for the last few hours I hadn't grown attached to anything there. The only thing precious to me now was my pixie-like best friend. And I really didn't need to take her anywhere, Jasper seemed to be doing a great job of dragging her on his own.

This though came unbidden and I rapidly pushed it back. Nothing good would come out of me thinking like that.

I stood in front of the house, waiting for them to finish. I distracted myself by trying to hear what they were taking. I wanted to test how good my hearing really was.

I may have been wrong, but Esme took some pictures. Carlisle found some old books. Rosalie took a pendent. Emmett took his… X-Box? Jasper took his medals. And before I could work out what Alice had taken with her, I was assaulted with an awful scent.

I knew what was behind me without needing to look. It was easy really, I had just gotten so focused on the Cullens that I forgot to pay attention to my surroundings.

I turned around and I was met with huge dark eyes staring back at me. I couldn't really run, he would catch me for certain, but I also didn't want to fight. He was only trying to protect humans and I thought that was a nice purpose. But I didn't know if that weird invisible wall was going to protect me or if they had gotten it broken for good.

If I ever doubted that it was Jacob at the clearing beside Sam, all my doubts were erased now. I could see him clearly now, he was the same guy that I spend most of my afternoons with for almost a year.

I gave him a sad smile and he returned with a crook of his neck. He took a step forward but I wasn't afraid, he was my best friend again. Jacob would never hurt me. He continued to walk in my direction, and I met him half way.

I held out my hand and I caressed his fur. He seemed to enjoy it. There was no longer the anger and the hatred I had seen in all of their eyes in the clearing. It was no longer the vampire and the werewolf. It was just Bella and Jacob, best friends, hanging out together.

A noise to our side broke our reunion. The Cullens were ready. And I say the Cullens because I didn't consider myself one of them, at least not yet.

And just like that, werewolf Jacob was back, ready to attack. He wanted revenge over my death. Jacob fixed his eyes in Alice and prepared to pounce on her.

"Please, Jake. DON'T!" I yelled and begged. "Don't. Please, don't hurt her."

He tensed, but complied. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me. And harming one of the Cullens would indirectly hurt me.

"We need to go Bella." Carlisle told me. His voice was firm, but still composed. The other wolves were approaching quickly. Good thing Jacob was the fastest, he would let us go.

I nodded and they all started to run, one by one. All but Alice. She stayed with me until I finally said goodbye to Jake and followed the others. We caught up without much trouble and I confirmed that Carlisle had taken books with them and Emmett had indeed taken his X-Box. The others had already hidden their most prized possessions on their clothes, including Alice. I guess I'll never know what she took.

Emmett explained his choice once he realized that everyone was staring at his choice. "It has all my saved games in here. Do you know how hard it would be to do it all again?"

The others laughed at his unusual preference, but I could barely show a smile.

Seeing Jacob reminded me of everyone I lost. Jacob. Maybe someday very, very, very far away, when I was able to control my thirst, I would be able to see my mom, my dad, Angela, Mike and the others again. But Jacob, he was another story. I could not see how Jacob could get over the fact that I was a vampire, the very creature that he was supposed to hate and destroy.

The Cullens were all happy that we had gotten out of there unharmed. I knew things could have gone much worse; someone could have been killed if that weird wall hadn't stopped them. But even though I should have been happy and thankful that everyone was fine, I was feeling miserable.

I was mourning the loss of my friend.

* * *

And that was it. Sorry it took so long to post it, but I wasn't really happy how it was, and I didn't have time to change it. Hope you all liked how it turned out.

Please review.


	6. Vampire Carlisle

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

A.N.: Thanks to Avarenda, Melanie-Kisaragi, gooby, 1WiththeButterfly, Antara and .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies. for the reviews

Melanie-Kisaragi, about the wall, wouldn't you like to know? i guess you will have to wait to find out.... lol. about the wolves, i truly dont know. they will show up again, but i'm not sure how much trouble they will cause....

.I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., i thought of that too, but i guessed it was still too early for him to start making jokes. But seeing as you want it too, the jokes are on their way...

i hope this wasn't too much of a wait, and i hope you enjoy this one. It also didnt exist when i first started to write this story....

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Vampire Carlisle**

_I was mourning the loss of my friend._

We ran. I didn't know how much, and I also didn't care. Vampires didn't get tired, so I could run forever. Literally.

At some point we stopped so that everyone could feed and then we continued on our way. I'm pretty sure that by this point I don't have to repeat that we drank the blood from animals.

Carlisle decided that it was best that we always traveled through the shadows, he didn't want us to expose ourselves by letting a human see us under the sun. Vampires sparkled under the sun, like diamonds. For that reason, and maybe to confuse anyone that could be following us, we didn't move in a straight line, and I'm saying that knowing that I was never good with directions, even if that sense did improve after I became a vampire. All I knew is that sometimes we ran south, then east, and then we changed directions completely and ran north and then west.

We passed through the cities of Shelton, Astoria, Pendletlon, Baker, Idaho City, Riggings, Yakima, Kalama, and so many others. We never entered any of those, of course, my self control wasn't good enough for that. I had to keep my distance from humans. I now finally understood Jasper's aversion to school; besides me, he was the one with least willpower in that area.

We reached Seattle, and that's when we stopped.

Seattle is the largest city in the northwestern United States. It is located between the Puget Sound to the west, and Lake Washington to the east. The sea, rivers, forests, lakes, and fields surrounding Seattle were once rich enough to support one of the world's few sedentary hunter-gatherer societies.

But the fact that it had an average of 201 cloudy days and 93 partly cloudy days per year was the most important information to us. It meant that we, I mean, the others; the Cullens could have a semi normal life here. They could go to school, work, or whatever other thing they wanted. Unfortunately, I would have to wait behind. I couldn't get close to the humans.

I guess that the wolves could have followed us here, but they chose not to. Maybe they just wanted to protect their own people, and they didn't care about us as long as we stayed away from them. Or maybe that invisible wall was still keeping them from us. Whatever it was, I was glad that we didn't have to worry about them anymore, I was tired of looking over my shoulder, wondering if they were behind us. Jacob was the only one that I would miss.

The family, minus me and Alice, went into the city to find us some sort of living arrangements. I couldn't enter city limits; there were too many humans for me. I could easily let my control slip and kill someone, and not only that, but also expose our kind to them.

Instead Alice and I decided to make good use of our time alone together, and as soon as the family was out of earshot, we were in each other's arms. It was not like they didn't know what was going on, but I didn't think there was any need to rub Jasper's face in it. I have a tiny suspect that Alice agreed with me.

Her lips were on my mouth and her hands were on caressing all over my body when she suddenly froze. My mind was going over a mile a minute, trying to understand why she had stopped. Had I done something wrong? Did I cross some line? Did I say something?

I couldn't consider what I could have possible done, but that wasn't unusual. When Alice touched me, she made feel things that I didn't imagine possible. My body was on fire, my mind went blank. And my soul, well, that was something that I couldn't even begin to explain.

Let's just say that any kind of cognitive function was nearly impossible in the state she left me in.

She seemed to be concentrating on something, and I tried to focus on the environment around me. I wish that I hadn't, because after a while of trying, I succeeded in finding out what had happened.

HUMANS.

I was sure of it even without ever having come close to any of them after I was turned. No other scent could be so inviting.

They were in a car not too far away. Four heartbeats. Four humans. Two adults, and two children. Their voices penetrated my conscious, their scent invaded my nostrils. I could almost feel their blood on my tongue, as I drank eagerly from them. I would first take the adults, the children wouldn't be able to get away while I finished off their parents. And then, I would go after the younger ones. Before they even noticed what had happened, I would have drunk them all.

I felt the arms around me strengthen their hold. Someone was trying to come between me and my delicious blood. I knew that whoever was trying to stand in my way was not strong enough for me. I was going to defend what was mine. The prey was mine, the blood was mine.

I growled in warning, as my throat burned for blood.

"Don't breathe, Bella." The creature said. And such a beautiful voice it had, maybe I could share some of my food with it. Not that I was happy with that, but I guess I could make an exception for a creature this beautiful.

But we needed to get moving, I couldn't let so much blood get away, and they were speeding up away from us. I tried to move, but the creature held onto me. I growled again, I was losing my patience. The pain in my throat was getting stronger by the second.

"Focus on me, Bella. Pay attention to my voice" Why? Why was she so set on us staying here? Couldn't she see that the blood was getting away? "Don't you remember me?" Remember her? Why should I? There were more important things to do at the moment. We had to hurry. We needed to get to the blood. "It's me, Alice."

Alice? The name was familiar.

But I needed the blood.

Alice was my friend.

My throat ached.

I liked Alice.

Their heartbeats sang loudly in my ears.

When Alice touched me, she made feel things that I didn't imagine possible.

"Don't breathe, Bella." She repeated, with her lips a few inches away from my right ear. And this time I complied. Was she going to make me feel that amazing sensations again? "Can you focus on me, Bella? Only me, Okay?" She whispered. "Forget everything else."

The creature named Alice was trailing kisses down my neck, but oh so slowly. Instead of trying to break free from her hold, I pulled her close, tight against my body. I was urging her to continue. I needed her touch like a drowning man needed air.

After a few torturous moments, her lips met mine and I remembered myself. I remembered her. I remembered us. And just like she had instructed, I let the world around us fade away to the back of my mind. And for a few hours, we were the only two people in the world.

* * *

We were already dressed when we heard the rest of the Cullens return, and we stopped caressing each other. It hurt me to give up touching Alice, but it hurt even more when Jasper pulled her up against him and kissed her.

I turned my head away, I had no right to feel what I was feeling. Jasper was her husband, and I was just the best friend.

"We bought some land outside the city." Carlisle informed me and Alice. "We will build our new home there." Wait, we are gonna build a house? How am I supposed to do that?

"I already have the design almost done. We should leave, our supplies will arrive any minute now." Esme explained. Sometime ago, Edward had told me that Esme was an architect and an engineer. I guess she had a lot of time on her hands. She had been the one that had drawn most of their houses.

Without any other word, they left. I waited for a while, I didn't want to be there when whoever was gonna deliver the so called supplies arrived. My almost slip up earlier was still fresh in my mind. I could have waited on my own and then followed their scent, but I was thankful that Carlisle stayed with me.

It was the first time Alice left me alone, and I was disappointed that she had. I pushed the feeling to the back of my mind, this situation was only temporary. She had a husband, and the only reason she was doing this was because Alice wanted to help me. She pitied me, and I was using it to satisfy my own selfish needs. I am truly a monster. Who would do that to their best friend?

"Is there something on your mind, Bella?" Carlisle asked, after a while of dead silence.

Yes, a lot. Anything I want to share? "No"

"As you wish." He knew I was lying, but he wasn't going to pry, and for that I was thankful.

We were standing still, and I felt no real desire to move, but that was just us being vampires. Vampires didn't need to move, we could stay in the same position for long periods of times, like statues. We didn't feel cramps on our limbs, ours muscles didn't get sore, there was no anxiety to stir. We could stay like this for eternity, or at least for a very long time.

Actually, Alice had mentioned that we needed to remember to shift a little around humans, because to them it was not normal to stay still for so long. But it wasn't like I needed to know this, well, not for at least a few years.

Then I remembered that I had something I wanted to ask him.

"Carlisle?" I whispered, but I know that he had heard.

"Yes?" His voice was compassionate, calm, collected as he had always been.

"Why is it so easy for you?" I questioned, as I remembered my first encounter with a human. It was like I didn't know who I was, I wasn't the one in command, and that scared me.

"What is easy for me?"

"Resisting your vampire side. How can you work in a hospital full of blood, and not kill everyone inside?"

"I think you spent too much time with Edward." He observed. What does that have to do with anything?

"What's that supposed to mean?" I replied defensively. He had no right to tell me how much time I could spend with any person.

"There is no need to become agitated, Bella." Carlisle said, and his voice was so kind that I felt my anger slip away from me. "I was merely stating that you share too much of his views of the world, of being a vampire."

"How come?"

"Edward believes that he has to battle his vampire side. He is able to abstain himself from humans because he confronts the vampire in him every second of his day. The others in my family share his view, to some extent."

"And you don't?" I questioned confused. That's what everyone else in the family had told me to do.

"No. I embrace it. There are not two sides of me, there is only one. There isn't Carlisle without the vampire, as there isn't the vampire without Carlisle. There isn't one without the other. I'm vampire Carlisle." Carlisle's voice was soft and slow. He wanted me to have time to comprehend what he was saying. I have a feeling that he had already explained this to the rest of the Cullens. Something also told me that they hadn't fully grasped it.

"And how can you stop yourself from hurting humans then? I thought that every vampire's most primitive desire was blood."

"That is true. Vampires can't survive without blood; that is not negotiable. Its source, however, is quite flexible." He clarified, but something didn't sit right with me. It went against everything I had been taught about vampires.

"I thought human's blood was the tastiest. That's why vampires lose control around humans." That information had been drilled into my skull. It was the reason Edward and I couldn't go past a few hugs and kisses when we were dating. And it was the reason that Alice had lost control when she turned me.

"And why do you think that is, Bella?"

"What?"

"What makes human blood taste so much better?" The question had caught me off guard. I had simply accepted the information that had been given me. I had never questioned it. And I took a moment to think about it. Carlisle waited; I think he kinda expected me to do so.

"I don't know, I've never tasted it." I said after a while.

"Exactly. I believe that human blood must taste better to some, the same way that a lion's blood would taste better than a bear's blood to others. I believe that our infatuation with human blood has more to do with the fact that we need to give the human race that kinda of importance." He paused, I think he was letting all the information he had just given me sink in, before he continued. "That is my theory. I could be wrong, of course."

"You think we prefer human blood because we want to?"

"Yes, something along those lines. Human blood is superior because either we want to give what we used to be some more significance or because we want to reconnect to it." He paused, I think he was wondering whether he should continue "May I assume that you are questioning me on this topic because you met a human already?"

"Yes."

"How close were they to you?"

"I'm not sure." I tried to remember details of what had happened, but I couldn't. "Not too close"

"How did you know that they were humans?" He continued, but my memories of what had happened were fuzzy. Not like when I was human, it was more like they didn't belong to me.

"I thought it was by their scent, they smelt delicious. But I'm not sure."

"And how did that make you feel?" I think that was the one question I could answer.

"It was like I was someone else, I didn't recognize myself. I wanted the blood. That was the only thing on my mind."

"Was that different from what you feel when you hunt other animals?"

"No. More intense, maybe."

"I see. Have you ever tried controlling yourself around animals?"

"What?" This conversation was making me more confused than ever.

"While you were hunting. Have you ever tried controlling yourself? Keep yourself from killing them?" What a weird question, why would I want to? If I went out to hunt animals, why would I want to control myself?

"No."

"I would like you to try. And then we can continue this discussion."

"Ok." Where was he going with this?

"In that case, come find me once you do. For now, I believe we should find the family. I'm sure that you are safe now. The delivery men are already gone." His tone was final, and he was preparing himself to run towards his wife.

"Carlisle, just one more thing before you go." He paused, waiting for me to finish. "That invisible barrier, or whatever, that the wolf pack couldn't cross. What was that? Was it the treaty?"

"What happened there was quite uncommon, Bella. But there is no need for you to waste your time on that. Don't be troubled by what happened, I assure you that it is being handled." And just like that he left. He didn't wait to see if I would follow, he knew that I would.

For a moment, I contemplated staying just to spite him, but I thought better of it and started to run, following his scent. I didn't like to be left alone, I was afraid of what I could do if there was no one else to stop me.

But he had pretty much just dismissed me, and that annoyed me to no end. He didn't get to decide what I would or wouldn't worry about. And if I wanted to worry about that freaking invisible wall, I would worry about that freaking invisible wall.

* * *

That was it. So, what do you think?

Please Review.


	7. Babysit me

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

A.N.: Thanks to Melanie-Kisaragi, Avarenda, Hier, .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies. and Julman for the reviews

Julman, I chose this city based only on how many sunny days there were in that city. First I was gonna send them to Pittsburgh, but there was too much of a difference on the number of sunny days. In my opinion, that is. And Bella will have her share of admirers, as soon as time is right. ;)

I'm glad you all liked the last chapter. Hope you like this one too.

And, before i forget: Happy Easter. I hope you all get a lot of chocolate!

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Babysit me**

_But he had pretty much just dismissed me, and that annoyed me to no end. He didn't get to decide what I would or wouldn't worry about. And if I wanted to worry about that freaking invisible wall, I would worry about that freaking invisible wall._

I reached Carlisle long before we got to the others, but I kept my mouth shut. I was still pissed at being dismissed, and I was afraid that if I started talking, I would say things that I shouldn't. And I don't know what I would do if there was another Cullen pissed at me.

My presence made Edward leave, Jasper obviously despised me and Rosalie had never hidden the fact that she would rather see me gone. If I got another Cullen to dislike me, they would have majority of votes, and they would probably tell me to leave.

I couldn't live on my own. How would I control myself? Where would I go? How could I take care of myself? I would be completely lost.

Well, I would just have to make sure to please Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Alice at all times. And I'm pretty sure that included not lashing out on any of them, so I bit my tongue and followed him.

When we got to the place where the house would be built, I can honestly say that I was surprised. They had already cleared out the area, meaning they had taken the trees out by its roots, and Alice and Jasper were pilling them up somewhere near. Emmett was almost done digging the soil to build the footing, the foundation and the basement. Esme was showing Rosalie the blueprint, explaining how she wanted things to be built.

The nicer of the duo waved at us, telling me and Carlisle to come near. I suppose that she wanted to put us to work, but I had no idea how to build a house, and they were making it seem so easy. I didn't want to make a mess out of things, but I knew my track record.

Carlisle walked in a painfully slow human pace and I accompanied him. It must have been a habit that he picked up from walking with humans so much and I wanted to learn that. I think it would please him and diminish my chances of getting kicked out.

Esme started to show us what she had drawn, and where each material was located. But I wasn't paying attention to her, I was trying to listen to Alice and Jasper's conversation 300 yards away, but they were whispering. They must be keeping their voice low because they didn't want any of us to hear them, I guess they had learned how to keep their privacy in a house full of vampires.

I realized that I was trying to eavesdrop on their conversation and shifted my attention elsewhere, to Esme, who had just told me what I was supposed to do, but of course I had no idea what she had just said. It was just that I missed Alice, and I wanted her near me, not over there, flirting and joking and chatting with Jasper.

Esme looked at me like she was waiting for me to move, but I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I tried to remember what she had just said, I couldn't disappoint her, but I came up blank. Luckily for me, Emmett yelled for me to stop being so lazy and help him out.

I made my way to him, and waited so he would tell me what to do.

"Bella, Bella. What will we do with you?" He said as if he was disappointed, but I knew better. He had a smirk on his face, so I figured that he was just trying to tease me. "Get your mind off your gutter and get to work, will you?"

So, I guess he had seen what I had been staring at when Esme told me what to do. Had the others noticed it too? I really hoped they hadn't. I was just glad that no one seemed to have heard what Emmett had said. He either had also learned how to keep things quiet or he had enough sense to lower his voice when he said that. I'm starting to think people didn't give Emmett enough credit for his sensitivity.

"What do I have to do?" I asked, but I guess he was already expecting it.

"Just get all the dirt that I dug and pile it up somewhere else."

I did as he said as fast as I could, and I supposed that to someone that didn't have superpowers, I would be a blur, if even that. But I didn't feel like I was too fast, because I could see it all approaching, it was like things happened in slow motion.

Emmett hadn't said where he wanted the pile of dirt to go, so I decided to pile it up next to the trees, by that I mean, next to Jasper and Alice. Emmett saw it and just shook his head, laughing.

I tried to hear what Alice and Jasper were saying, it was subconsciously; I had no control over it. But every time I reached hearing range, they stopped talking. What were they trying to hide from me? What were they talking about?

Eventually, they finished their jobs and joined the others. I guess I couldn't really be mad that they didn't want me to hear their conversation. Every couple had its secrets but I was kinda of bothered by it.

After I was done, I realized that Carlisle and Esme were doing the plumbing and wiring as the rest of the family was working on building the footing and the foundation. I made my way to them, trying not to feel left out. It seemed that they were a family, and each had its pair. And I was just standing in the way.

Eventually, Esme noticed me standing there and asked me to help her. I mostly watched her work, because I had no idea what to do. It also gave me time to watch the others and that made me even more depressive that I already was. They worked as a team, they knew what each other was doing. They were used to it.

It was sickening to watch Emmett throw himself at Rosalie's feet. The worst part was that even if she pretended to be above it, it was so obvious that she cared about him in the same way, if not more. Jasper and Alice were another story. They bothered me in whole new way, not the stop-acting-so-much-like-a-damn-couple way, like Emmett and Rosalie or Esme and Carlisle. But a different way, one I couldn't describe.

It just bothered me that he felt the need to touch her every two seconds, or that she would smile at him, or how they would laugh together. And I specially hated when he would kiss her.

We, I mean they, were done much sooner than I had expected, but I guess it shouldn't have been hard to predict, considering they were a group of super strong, not tiring vampires that had almost a century worth of practice. Now the concrete had to dry, and in the mean time, we started to cut the trees that had been torn down by Alice and Jasper into lumber so that we could build the actual house.

We were done in a few hours, but the concrete wasn't dry yet, so there was nothing we could do. The family decided to go back into town to pick furniture, but I knew that I would have to stay behind. Alice came running to me, and jumped into my arms.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll pick your room" She told me, in her usual vibrant voice. "I know exactly what you need" I don't know if she meant it, but I heard it in a completely different meaning. And I agreed with it completely.

Alice didn't kiss me when she let go of me, and I missed it. But I guess she didn't want Jasper to see it.

They left, so I sat down beside a tree, waiting for time to pass thinking about my life and the changes in it. I realized that I missed my family. I wanted to call my mom and Charlie. They must be frenetic, trying to find me and even if I knew that it was dangerous for them to do so, I wished they would succeed.

After a while, I realized that they hadn't left me alone after all. There was a figure, standing still, staring at me.

"Emmett, what are you still doing here?"

"Let's just say that Rosalie knows precisely how I want our room to be."

"By that you mean, she will pick anything she wants regardless of what you say to her?"

"Exactly. Besides, you needed a babysitter and I volunteered" He told me, as he sat down beside me. I liked Emmett, he was like a giant teddy bear.

"So, you thought you would be a good babysitter for me? Are you gonna change my diapers?" I teased him.

"No, I think I will leave that up to Alice. She seems to like to get your pants off of you." I didn't know how to respond to that, and after a while he continued. "So, who is top and who is bottom?"

"Emmett!" He was unbelievable. How could he joke around with something like that?

"Alice looks like someone who would take charge, but you seem to be someone shy on the outside, and really controlling inside the bedroom. Am I right?"

"I can't really see how that's any of your business."

"So, I AM right."

"Emmett!" I repeated.

I suppose I would be three shades of red by now if I was still human. Good thing I was not, this way I could hide my embarrassment. Kinda of. He knew he was making me uncomfortable, and he was enjoying every minute of it.

"Come on! Help a guy out here. Two hot girls going at it inside my house and you won't tell me anything!"

"Hot?"

"Hell, yeah!" I was shocked, so it took me a while to answer him.

It was the first time someone told me I was hot. In Phoenix, no one told I was anything. Edward used to tell me I was beautiful. Alice always told me I was cute when she complemented me. But it was the first time someone told me I was sexually attractive. I know I should have been mad, but I was more flattered than anything else.

"Either way, you don't get to hear anything." I told him, matter-of-factly.

"Quite the contrary, I hear plenty." He said, laughing "You do know how sensitive a vampire's ear can be. All I hear is 'Oh, God, Alice!' or 'More, Bella!' or 'Faster, Faste-"

"Shut up!" I cut him off. I didn't need to hear it, he was already laughing hard enough.

"Come on, Bella. Don't be mad. You know I'm just having fun with you." He told me, once he realized that I was actually angry. He approached me, and put his arms around my shoulder. "You know, Bella, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's just sex."

"It's still weird that everyone can hear it."

"You will get used to it. You will be able to hear everyone else too. And trust me, there is nothing you can say or do that will shock us, we have seen everything." He was smirking as he let go of me, and I knew that I would have to endure another round of teasing now that he had comforted me.

I was right, and he spent the next day and a half teasing me in any way, shape, or form that he could think of. He stopped about the same time that the rest of the family arrived.

"Bella, you will love your room" Alice told me in her usual overexcited voice. She jumped on me, catching me in a hug, and spinning me around. For a moment, I thought she was gonna do more than that, but she quickly let me go.

I adored when Alice touched me, even before when her skin was cold and hard. But now that her skin felt soft and warm to my touched, I was powerless to resist it. I yearned for it, and I missed it when it was gone.

"What did you get me?" I asked her, still trying to regain my mind, after she let go of me. It was like I was intoxicated with her. I wanted her. I wanted to rip her clothes off and fuck her, in front of everyone. I took a deep breath, regaining some sort of peace.

"That's a surprise. But I'm sure you will love it." Of course she was sure, she could see the future. She probably had had a vision of me seeing the room and loving it.

"Let's get back to work then." Emmett said, he was eager to get the house finished, I think he was suffering from too much time without his Xbox.

We had to apply some sort of chemistry thing to the wood to protect it, so we all got to it. By the time that we were done, it was time to actually build the house. We built the frames, and I realized that this house too would have a lot of windows. We worked fast, all together, and I realized that the house would be done much sooner than I considered being possible.

The only problem, though, was the fact that Jasper continued to touch Alice all the time. It was like he couldn't keep his hands to himself. So, they stopped working every so often because of this. Couldn't they see that it was getting annoying? Besides it was really counterproductive, everyone else was working really hard to get the house done, and they were just messing around, distracting us. Or maybe just me.

Next, we worked on the exterior siding, and continued to the painting, it would be a pastel yellow house. While we worked on that, Esme and Rosalie were working on installing all electrical, plumbing, heating, air-conditioning, phone, satellite TV lines, stereo, Internet, and burglar alarm systems. Not that we actually needed a burglar alarm system, but we needed to pretend to be humans, and in case one of them showed up at our house, it would be weird living so far away from everyone else, and not be prepared in case someone broke in.

By the time that Rosalie and Esme were done, we had almost completed the roofing. We continued to the interior, working on the drywall and then painting it. The house was almost done, we just had to install cabinets, baths and thinks like that. Esme said that we had worked faster than she had expected, and we would have to wait until that things were delivered. I guess having a super strong and super fast newborn had its perks.

I hadn't realized that a couple of days had passed ever since we begun building the house, time was not something that mattered anymore. And I could see at night as well as when there was daylight, so it made no difference to us.

I decided to run into the forest, to keep myself away from anyone that would deliver whatever was missing to finish the house. I was surprised, because this time Rosalie followed me. I stopped after a few minutes, deciding that I was far away enough from the house. Rosalie stopped right after me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. She never hid the fact that she would rather not be in my presence.

"It was my turn watch over you." She told me, and that made me feel like a burden that they had to share together, and dumped at each other. It was like whoever got the short stick had to keep an eye on me.

"You don't have to stay, I can handle being here on my own for a few hours." I told her. There was no need for us to put up with each other, I think I would rather stay alone than with Rosalie.

"There is no way I'm gonna let you ruin our stay here before it even got started."

"There is no one here for me to kill. It's not like I'm gonna look for someone."

"There is a reason accidents happen, people get careless. But, I'll stay here and make sure it doesn't"

And indeed she stayed, until the moment we felt that it was safe enough that the men would be gone. We didn't talk, neither of us even tried to start a conversation. I didn't like her, and she didn't like me, and that's how it would continue.

By the time that we got back, the house was already done. There was even a driveway, and a few bushes and flowers that had been planted. In truth, it had become really nice.

The house had three floors. On the attic there was electronic room, with most of the electronic devices of the house; on the second floor, there were 7 bedrooms; on the first floor, there was a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a small library and a music room; on the basement, they had located all vampiric things of the house, and it would be tightly locked at all times, even if all members of the house had a key.

I walked into what Esme told me would be my room, and I was amazed to see that it looked like my old bedroom in Forks, only maybe a little more sophisticated. It also had a glass door, which would allow me to leave the house without going downstairs.

I looked to my right and saw Alice standing by the doorway.

"So, did you like it?" She asked, entering the room and closing the door behind her.

"Yes, I did. But I thought you would have changed it a little bit more." I told her, as she walked up behind me, pressing her front to my back. She knew exactly what that did to me.

"I would have." She told me, kissing my neck. Her hands were on my waist, rubbing my skin with her fingers. "But someone seems to be unable to make up her mind."

"I'm very decisive." I told her as she turned me around and started kissing my lips. I missed her lips, she has gotta be the best kisser ever. Not that I had much experience in that department, but the way she did it, it felt amazing.

"I believe that considering the bedroom, you are not." She kissed my neck, and I inhaled deeply. "I couldn't even see how you would wish it to be."

Her scent was marvelous, but there was something else mixed with it. Something disgusting. It was faint at first, but the more I tried to ignore it, the worse it became.

Alice was trying to take my shirt off, at the same time as she pushed me into the bed. But truthfully, the only thing on my mind was that scent. I started to realize that I had already smelt that before. Jasper.

It was Jasper all over Alice. And where her scent called me in, his made me want to run away.

My mind was a mess, it was like there was two of me. One was begging Alice to never stop, the other wanted to push her away. I tried to keep going, some part of me wanted to mark her, claim her as mine, and I fought hard to keep it at bay. But the scent got stronger and stronger until the moment I couldn't take it anymore.

I pushed Alice away.

I guess I didn't measure my strength too well, because she ended up flying across the room until she hit the far wall, funny, it didn't make a crack on it. For a moment her face was hurt, but she quickly hid it.

"Alice, I'm sorry." I tried to tell her, but she was already half away to the door. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm alright. But I think I'm just gonna go now." Alice told me, with her back to me, before leaving the room.

Great. Now I had just sent her straight into HIS arms.

* * *

That was it. So, what did you think?

Please review.


	8. Anywhere But Here

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

Thanks to hphglover, Alex Belle, Tigersflame, .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., zoelol, deathnote18, Melanie-Kisaragi, Luz, Imagination Genius, britxx, jds87, Antara, JJ, CullenGirlBrazil, Mechconstrictor for the reviews.

First, sorry for the long wait. I didn't have much time and when I did have time and wrote something, I ended up deleting it later because I didn't like how it had turned out.

Second, I got a lot of rants, and as Alex Belle said, I'll take that as a compliment. XPPP

So I got a lot of comments on the Cullens actions, and before you all crucify them (I'm not saying that that is wrong) I would like to say something on that by talking about Dom Casmurro, and knowing that most of you won't get the reference (maybe CullenGirlBrazil, but that's just a wild guess) so I will tell you what I remember about it. Dom Casmurro is a book written by Machado de Assis and if you plan on reading it I suggest that you skip this and the next paragraph. So it tells the story of Bentinho and Capitu and how they struggle to be together and the aftermath of their marriage. All thought the book, Capitu is an incredible liar and Bentinho is ridiculously jealous of her and in the end, the book affirms that Capitu cheated on Bentinho. The thing is that the story is told on Bentinho's POV and although he is certain that she cheated on him (he leaves her and almost kills their son because of that), he never actually caught her, nor had he any real proof of that happening. He only had his jealousy and a lot of close calls (which I won't describe because that is totally not the point), which could implicate something.

What is important in this book is not whether she cheated on him or not, but the fact that we discuss it until this day. There are people who agree with him, and people who believe in her, but regardless of that no one will ever know the truth.

I've been rambling all this time, but what I'm trying to say is that this story is told from Bella's POV and therefore tainted by her thoughts and feelings on the matter. It tells her view on the issue and not necessarily the truth. I hope i gave you something to think about. ;)

.I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., I'm glad you liked the ending, I was under the impression that u liked fluffy chapters. Glad to know I was wrong.

Zoelol, sorry, can't change POVs, you will have to wait to hear what they have to say on the matter. Hopefully, you will still be interested until then.

CullenGirlBrazil, I'm glad you are giving this a chance, I ask you to wait a couple of chapters before you make your final decision. ;)

Mechconstrictor, hum, originally no. It wasn't supposed to have a happy ending, it was supposed to end at chapter 5 with what should be chapter 10 (I changed it a lot and added a lot of chapters, and considering this rate I can't guarantee it will be chapter 10). I planned on someday getting back to it and maybe writting a sequel, but apparently I can't write something that ends badly. I'm considering just continuing this story with its sequel (all in one), but I haven't decided yet, I'm not sure I'll have time to write it if it gets longer than how I planned it to end right now.

And for everyone who asked, there will be plenty of jealous Alice in the future. ;)

And one more thing before I forget, most of the explanations for this fic have already been commented on by some you, ones more directly than others. One of you (I won't say which) actually said it with all the letters, I just don't know if you connected that with all that's happening around Bella. For those who haven't figured it out yet, I advice you to simply read it carefully, I may have actually made some mistakes, but most of the things written are on purpose and not really slip-ups. Out of the top of my head, I can remember at least 5 times I already mentioned those moments on the story.

Now, enough ramblings… To the story…

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Anywhere But Here**

_Great. Now I had just sent her straight into HIS arms._

The first time after I saw Alice again after The Incident (as I decided to call whatever had happened in my room that day), she was back to her natural good mood and usual cheerfulness, acting like it had never happened, and The Incident was not mentioned again. I was more than happy to follow her example.

Because, you see, there was another thing bothering me. Alice had explained to me that my desire for her had to do with the fact that I was a newborn, and as such, I needed sex. Alice had specifically said I needed sex, and not her. And if what I wanted was sex, then why did Jasper's scent repulse me? Why wasn't I attracted to his scent in the same way that I was attracted to hers?

There was only one explanation that I thought of and that scared the shit out of me.

Was I developing some sort of romantic feelings for my very happily married best friend?

That was the question that I didn't want to think about, because that could be potentially disastrous. I mean, come on! Do I really have to explain why I shouldn't feel that kinda of thing for Alice?

Really? ! ? ! ? !

With that in mind, I decided that I wasn't felling anything other than friendship and lust for Alice, therefore I could keep up with this weird arrangement that the three of us seemed to have.

Never mind that one of the definitions of love that I found mentioned that love was friendship set on fire.

It didn't happen again though. Jasper's scent, not the sex. The sex did happen several times after that, but I was never able to smell him again. Either because Alice figured out why I had thrown her away or because I developed some weird way of blocking it. Thankfully.

For the weeks that followed, Alice's attention was divided between me and Jasper. She would alternate between me and him, and with a guilty pleasure I must admit that she spent more time with me than with her husband.

Of course, that could easily be explained by the fact that I was a newborn and just like a baby needed its mother, I needed Alice's attention. But I guess I chose to believe that wasn't the reason, I wanted to hold on the idea that Alice wanted to spend most of her time with me because she liked me best. Yes, I knew that I was fooling myself.

Much like before, she continued to interact with her husband like a couple, maybe a little more than usual. But that might just be my jealous side talking. Yes, I can admit that I was jealous of Alice, but it didn't prove that I had any sort of romantic feelings her. Vampires are possessive creatures, or so Emmett had told me.

With me, she restrained herself when there were others around, even if she showered me with affection when it was just the two of us.

Before I was changed, my interactions with Jasper were almost none, and after what happened I don't blame him for wanting to keep it that away. We never spoke, unless it was strictly necessary. After all, I can't imagine what he had to go through every day and every night. Jasper looked at me, knowing that I was sleeping with his wife and there was nothing he could do about it.

He must hear us, considering that I could hear them whenever Alice spent the night with him. I hated it, I wanted to barge into their room and rip him to tiny little pieces. I didn't like to share her one bit, so I guess to him it must be almost unbearable.

My relationship with the others was pretty much the same as before I was turned. I liked to hear Carlisle tell stories from the places he had already been. Esme treated me like a daughter, pampering me as if I was the new baby. She bought me clothes, cleaned my room, even if I didn't think it was necessary, and she even liked to tell me how to hunt, not that there was an specific technique, but I think she just enjoyed the idea of feeding me. Rosalie still ignored me, and Emmett made fun of me whenever he had the chance.

One night, we, and by that I mean Alice and I, were left alone in the house and, of course, we decided to make the most of it. We were playing a vampiric and much more sexual version of hide-and-seek, where one of us hid and the other searched the house in search of the first person. Pretty standard stuff, right? Only that with our super senses things became much more interesting considering that I was much faster than her, and she was much quieter than me.

I think this was her away of training me.

That and the fact that whoever got caught had to lose a piece of clothing. Yeah, that kinda put an edge to it. Because there it was Alice only in a skirt and me with my braw and panties. I could smell her, but I don't think she had sensed me yet. My newborn senses gave me a little advantage. OK, a lot. Thing is, I think that I should move because she was getting too close.

But then, why on Earth would I want to move away from a half naked Alice? Hell, I wanted to get caught.

I could almost taste her, I wanted her, I needed her. I wanted to mark her.

I growled.

MINE.

I pounced on her, before she even had a chance to completely turn around when she heard me growl. I had both of her arms pinned above her head, as my body straddled her.

I looked down at her, just to realize that she was staring right back at me. She wasn't afraid of my strength, nor was she scared by my firm grip. No, she was staring back at me like she was challenging me. She was daring me to do something, I just didn't know what.

Deciding that Alice wasn't gonna tell me what she wanted me to do, and giving up trying to figure it out considering that I had a half naked Alice beneath me, I just brought our mouths closer, taking one last look at her before I kissed Alice.

It wasn't enough. I was kissing her, holding her arms above her head grinding myself against her and it wasn't enough. Something was missing. I broke the kiss and looked down at her, she had the same look on her face. The one where she was expecting me to act. It annoyed me. If she wanted something why couldn't she just tell me?

I ignored it and started kissing her again, but this time I didn't stop at her lips. I moved to her cheeks and down her neck. I still felt I needed something, but it wasn't until I got to the valley between her breasts that I understood it. I wanted to bite her, I wanted to sink my teeth inside of her. I wanted to mark her.

I wanted to make her mine.

I moved up again, to her neck and let my teeth graze the flesh above what should have been her pulse point. I wondered if she would let me do it. Was that what she wanted me to do? Or was it something else? And what if it wasn't? Would she get mad that I bit her? I stopped moving, and I think that maybe Alice knew what was going on because she stopped too. She was waiting for me.

I don't know how long we stayed still like that, my mind had other things to consider, but I was still contemplating what I should do when Rosalie arrived unexpectedly and came face to face with me on top of a half naked Alice. Rosalie didn't say anything, she just glared at us and with an eye roll she moved up to her room.

I never saw Alice look as guilty as she looked then, and in that moment I hated Rosalie for making my pixie so sad. Alice quickly detangled herself from me, and in a flash she was locked in the room she shared with Jasper. A locked door wouldn't stop me, but I refrained from going after her. Something told me I was the last person she wanted to see tonight.

I stood frozen in the same spot that Alice had left me in until the moment I heard the rest of the family come closer to the house. That's when I hurried back to my room, without even bothering to pick our clothes off the floor. I couldn't be bothered to do so, not with so many things running through my mind, but the next time I made my way downstairs there was no trace of the clothes.

I didn't see Alice for 2 days after that, she didn't come out of her room, and Jasper was the only one allowed in. It hurt because I really missed her. It was like I needed her.

It was then that I decided to make sure to always keep a low profile around others, because those two days without Alice almost drove me insane.

I spent that time trying to understand what had happened that night. What did she want? What did I want? Why was I feeling like I needed to bite her? Was it normal? And what if it wasn't? Could I ask anyone else about it? Or would they think I was some kind of a freak? It was normal wanting to bite a human or an animal, but was it normal to want to bite another vampire?

That questions were kept hidden away on my mind, I was afraid to ask anyone else about them, but I didn't want to keep dwelling on them. So I ignored them for the time being, but they were never really forgotten.

I was never allowed out of the house on my own, there was at least one member of the family with me, and there was like they had shifts in who would be the one to watch over me. Jasper was the only one who was relieved from this duty. Firstly, because he never had had much of a self control anyway so he couldn't be trusted to stop me, and second, I think that everybody else just figured that it was not a good idea to leave us alone together. But I just didn't know whom they were protecting, me or him.

They kept their routine much like before I was turned. Carlisle and Esme went to work; she had decided to present herself as an architect this time and he was once again a doctor. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie had enrolled high school once again. I can't say I was jealous of them, seeing the same thing for who knows how many times must be boring as hell. But I guess I would take that over being locked inside the house alone all day long. Not that I was actually locked, but I didn't have permission to go out unguarded.

I understand why it had to be this way, it didn't make me dislike this any less though.

I used to wonder around the house, waiting for time to pass. It was not like I was getting any older, but after a while it became really dull. Eventually, I found a book that seemed interesting enough in the library so I decided to read it. I don't know why, but it reminded me of Renée, my mother. I think she used to read books like this to me when I was younger.

I felt an instant urge to call her and tell my mother all about this book. It seemed an eternity ago that I had last spoken to her, I missed her. And I missed Charlie. I really wanted to see them, but I knew that I couldn't.

I lasted 3 days before my urge to call my mom took over and I heard her voice on the phone. There was no one else home with me, of course.

"Hello?" She said, but I remained silent. She couldn't hear my voice, it had changed drastically when I was turned and she would know that something had happened. "Hello?" She tried again, but I kept quiet. "Is this a joke?" She continued, she was getting angry. Renée had never been a patient woman. "I'm hanging up now." She told me, but she had no idea how much I wanted to answer her, how much I wanted to actually talk to her. "Fine." She told me, before I heard the beep telling me that the call had been disconnected.

I stared at the phone in my hand. I don't know how long I stayed in the same position, and truthfully I didn't care. I hadn't talked to my mom in so long that I was happy just from hearing her voice, it was more than I could have asked for in my condition. I thing I would have cried if I could, but I was a vampire now, and vampires didn't cry.

That call satisfied me for almost 5 days, and for those days I was incredible happy, and I think that the Cullens noticed it too. Alice had even commented on my good mood, but of course I never told her the real reason, and it was not like she pressed me on it.

Yeah, it was great at first, but eventually, I felt that I missed her more and I wanted to call again.

I didn't want to call Charlie, actually I did want to call Charlie, but I couldn't. I was afraid that he would be able to track us down, he was a cop after all. And I didn't want to think about what would happen if he found us, because one of two things would happen and I was scared of them both.

One, he would be able to get to me and I would kill him. Two, he wouldn't be able to get to me, because one of the Cullens would have spotted Charlie first and then we would have to run again, and move somewhere else again and the Cullens would be mad at me. What were the chances of them simply kicking me out after that?

I called Renée a few more times after that, but I always made sure that there was no one else at home when I did that. The calls were more frequent as the days passed by. Like an addict, I was growing tolerant of a few seconds of rushed words. There was only one problem though, Renée stayed on the phone with me less and less each time.

I think she figured it out that it was the same person calling and not speaking so she wouldn't stay on the line too long. I didn't like it, but I guess there wasn't anything I could do about it. It was not like I could just tell her who was calling.

When she stopped answering the phone completely, I lost it. I said I lost it because that's the only reason I could find for me to do something I knew that couldn't end well.

But, you see she was my mom, and she was my last connection to my life, to a time where I knew that I was loved and not just a burden to everyone. I mean, I knew my mom loved me, and I knew Charlie loved me, even if he didn't know how to tell me that, and even Jacob, he loved me too. Hell, maybe I could even include Edward on that. He loved me and I cheated on him with his sister. I guess I got what I deserved.

But, as I was saying, I ended up doing something I knew I shouldn't. What do you ask? Well, I called Charlie.

"Chief Swan speaking." He said when he answered. Did I mention that I had called him at work? Did I mention that was one of the dumbest ideas I had ever had? But it was not like I had much of a choice, if I had waited for when he got off work the Cullens would be home too. "Chief Swan speaking." He repeated, bringing me back from my musings. He seemed busy. I shouldn't have called, maybe I should just hang up and he will just think of it as someone calling the wrong number.

"Bella?" He asked, and I gasped, and I think he may have heard that. I think there was no away he would just dismiss this call now, I seemed to have grabbed his attention. How did he know? "Bella, is that you?" He tried again. I wanted to answer him. Yes, it is me and I miss you. But I couldn't, it had been dangerous enough calling him. "Bella, if it is you please say something." I want to, Charlie, you don't know how much. "Are you in trouble?" No, I'm not. But I want to go home. Please come and get me.

An idea seemed to strike him, because suddenly he changed tactics. "Bella, you don't have to talk. Tap once on the phone for yes, and two for no. Do you understand?"

I pondered the question. I had already been carelessly enough as it is, I shouldn't let it get any further, but before I could stop myself, I heard the phone being tapped once.

"Bella, is that you?"

One tap.

"Oh, God! Bella! I can't believe it! I thought I had lost you! Tell me where you are, I'm gonna find you. I will bring you back. Are you in trouble?"

Two taps.

I didn't know what I was saying no to, maybe to all of it. I just knew that he couldn't come here.

"Bella, tell me where you are!"

Two taps.

Why do I feel like a spoiled teenager now?

"Fine, if you won't tell me, I will find someone two trace this call."

Two taps.

But he was already gone, and I knew I couldn't let him do that. Finally, I did what I should have done from the start.

I hung up the phone.

The next day I wanted to call Charlie again, but I knew that it was too dangerous. I was playing with fire. So, I called Renée instead. I didn't really expect her to answer. I thought she would've blocked my number or something.

"Hello?" She said, and once again I kept my mouth shut, she would hang up any moment now. But to my surprise she continued. "Bella?" How did she know? She must have spoken with Charlie, it couldn't be a coincidence.

One tap.

Maybe if they had talked, he would have explained this method of communication to her.

"Honey!" She yelled and I had to take the phone away from my ear from a moment, but I think I still heard her sob a little. "You can't believe how good is to finally speak with you, or whatever this is. You have no idea how much I missed you" Trust me, mom, I do. I understand it completely. "Are you OK?"

One tap.

"That's good. That's very good. I spoke with your father last night. Were you the one that kept calling me?"

One tap.

No reason to hide it now.

"Oh! I'm sorry honey. I didn't know it was you. I wish you would have told me it was you. What happened to you? Why can't you talk?"

I didn't answer, I couldn't. It was not a yes or no question. After a while, she got the hint.

"Sorry, I would have to guess wouldn't I?"

One tap.

"I will look reasons up and the next time you call I'll read them all to you. You are going to call again, aren't you?"

I debated the question for a little while. Very little.

One tap.

"Good. Your father wants you to call him too, he said he won't force you to come home if you don't want to." That's good. I wanted to talk to him too. "And you can call me anytime you want, you understand that right?"

One tap.

"Ok then, your father told me you ran away with that boy, Edward. Is that true?" No, but I couldn't tell her that.

One tap.

"Why? You could have stayed here, we wouldn't have forbidden you from seeing him. I know your father didn't allow much time for you two to be together, but he was just trying to look out for you. He says that if you come back, he won't interfere." Shit! My dad was blaming himself for my leaving. I wish I could do something to tell him it wasn't his fault, but I had no idea how.

Two taps.

No, mom, I'm not going back.

"Is he there with you? Can I talk to him?"

Two taps.

"Ok, which one did you answer? Let's see, answer this one: is he there with you?"

Two taps.

I considered lying, but I didn't see the point, and I was getting annoyed with all the lies.

"Ok, then. Can you call me back once he returns?"

Two taps.

I have no idea if he will return, much less when.

"Bella, did he leave you?" She asked unsure, maybe she was afraid that asking that question would send me back to how I was the time that Edward had left me at Forks to protect me. I almost laugh at that, maybe he wasn't so wrong after all in trying to keep me from his family. You can take that statement either because of the biting or because of the cheating. It was not like I knew in each away I meant anyway.

One tap.

Well, considered what happened, I think his leaving was justified. Too bad that he had to leave his entire family just to get away from me.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. He shouldn't have done that again, especially not after running away with you. But trust me, honey, it's his loss. You are a wonderful girl, and if he can't see that, he is completely blind" Thing is, mom, I think he saw it, as illogical as it was, I think he loved me. And I blew it. "And honey, you don't have to feel ashamed, or scared, or anything. Maybe you just wanna spend some time on your own after that, maybe you already found someone else, or maybe you are already doing something else that interests you, but I want you to know that you can come back home. Whenever you want, you can live with me, or with Charlie. Wherever you are, you just have to say the word and we will come and get you."

One tap.

I know mom.

* * *

And that was it. I hope you liked it. See you all in a few weeks, but I'll try to update faster.

Please review.


	9. Spy in the House of Love

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

Thanks to CullenGirlBrazil, LuvJ, sarcasm110011, .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., Julman, zoelol, JJ, Alex Belle, loooou, bitten2, Alice-Cullen-fan-17, willnevergettiredofYOU, Svtwilfan and Emerald Demona for the reviews. I appreciate all of them, I'm not sure if I ever said this. I wanted to be able to respond to them all, but seeing that I cant, I settle for the ones that have some of question in them. =)

CullenGirlBrazil, I have to admit that I did not read that one, lol, "A moreninha" wasn't on the list the year I took 'vestibular'. But I have to admit that I didn't read most of the books on the list, they really sucked. I think "A cidade e as serras" is the most boring book of all time, I couldn't go through the second page, so it didn't make me feel like reading the other books. "Dom Casmurro" was one of the few ones that I actually read. Lol. So, I can't say much about the ending of "A moreninha", but I can tell you this: this story will have a happy ending. Eventually. Hopefully, you will be around to see it. =)

Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., your secret is safe with me…. I promise. ; )

Alex Belle, I totally agree with you. Now if we can only get them to see it….. lol

Emerald Demona, im glad to see that I was not making Jasper to be a jerk, cause all the responses that ive been getting, I was thinking I was taking things a little too far with him…. Im glad someone feels for him…. He is not THE bad guy, at least he is not meant to be…. But ill let u guys see for yourself and decide...

And, yes, we will have Jasper taking a hike, jealous Alice, and much more…. (don't tell anyone, but I like long stories….) Lol

Thank you all for the support, and sorry it took me this long to post it here…. On the bright side, next chapter is almost done…. Shouldn't take too long, maybe 4 -7 years…..lmao…. hopefully, you guys/girls are still reading it.

* * *

**Chapter 9 - Spy in the House of Love**

The periods of time that I was not with Alice I usually spent testing my new abilities; I wanted to learn what I could do. I hoped that when I became a vampire I would get a special power like Alice's, but up to now I had noticed nothing different about me. I was nothing more than an ordinary vampire.

Edward called every once and while, to inform that he was fine. He usually spoke to Esme or to Carlisle, but sometimes I heard him ask about me, and that gave me hope that he still cared and that maybe someday we could be friends.

I was left alone in the house when all of them left for work or school, and I suddenly realized why Edward was so good at everything. So good at school, so good at playing music, so good at doing whatever he did when he was not with me. He had more time than things to fill it up with, so he found new things to learn.

Calling my mother ever once and awhile helped, but I couldn't talk to her all day long, she had other things to do. It was not like she was trapped inside her house.

Charlie was another matter entirely. I hadn't called him again ever since he had tried to find me. It was for his own protection. I did write him an email, but I was 100% sure that he wouldn't see it, he never checked his inbox. So, I had sent it to Jacob, asking him to please print it and deliver it to my dad.

I wasn't sure if he would try to track down my email, but I hoped that he wouldn't. I wanted to trust that my dad would follow through with his promise and not try to find me.

I wanted to trust Charlie, I really did. But his life was too important for me to simply allow him to decide whether or not he would come to his death. With that in mind, I looked everywhere I could on ways to hide my IP address. What can I say? I told you I had a lot of time on my hands.

And I know this might seem like what Edward did with me, leaving me to protect me, but this is completely different. I was a newborn and I didn't have any control over myself, but Edward had more than enough of it. Ok, not exactly, but you got the point.

I wrote the email to Charlie saying that I loved him and mom, and that I missed both of them very much, but that I couldn't come home. And that I wouldn't be able to get back home for a little while. I had also told him it was not his fault that I had left, and there was nothing he could have done to make me stay. I ended telling him he was the best dad that I could've ever hoped for.

A couple of weeks later, my mom told me he had gotten it, and that he had asked her to tell me that he loved me too, and I was the best daughter he could have ever asked for. He had also said that he wouldn't try to find me while I didn't want to be found.

I wasn't sure I believed that, but I would call him every once in a while, always paying attention if I heard anything different on the other line. There was none that I could find.

After that, both of my parents started sending me emails, I would answer them the best I could, trying not to give anything away. And as soon I did it, I would delete the computer's history. I had found a program that left no traces, which was really good, because I couldn't really risk the Cullens finding anything.

Once, to my utmost surprise, I got an email from Jacob. It was short, and direct. He was asking me if I had killed anyone yet. I actually laughed at that, and I couldn't really explain why. It had just caught me by surprise. Not the message itself, but the fact that he had sent me one.

I replied. 'Not yet. 56 days and still counting.'

Eventually, I got a response to that one too. And for the next one, and the one after that. And all the others I sent him. His messages were brief and to the point, and they came after long periods of time. But I was just glad that he was once again talking to me.

My relationship with Alice, on the other hand, was getting weirder by the second. And a big part of that was my fault. I wasn't really sure how to act around her anymore.

Firstly, because I was lying to her. But I wasn't really lying, you see, I was just not telling. I was not telling Alice that I was still in contact with my mother, my father and Jacob. But she had never asked, so it couldn't really be considered lying. Ok, I was lying my ass off. And that made me feel like a bitch.

Because I had never lied to Alice, only once when James (you know the vampire that decided that I needed to be tracked down and killed) made me lie to her to get me away from her and her family. But excluding that, Alice knew everything that there was to know about me, every little secret; after all she was my best friend, and I kept nothing from her. Until I became a vampire.

It didn't help that I also thought that she was hiding something from me. But I couldn't really prove that.

Secondly, I might have a slightly tiny completely unfounded suspicious that there was a small possibility that I might be developing a very little crush on Alice.

Nothing to worry about.

Really.

I could deal with that.

Not a problem.

Just an inconvenient.

It was just a tiny little crush and it would go away soon, there was no need for anyone to find out about that. That is, anyone but her husband, considering that he was an empath and could feel my emotions. He probably knew it before I did.

He probably knew that her smile made butterflies dance in my stomach; he probably saw that her movements had me entranced, Jasper probably felt that her touch set my skin on fire.

But I needed him to be the only one to recognize it.

Jasper wouldn't say anything, he would have already told Alice if he wanted her to know. Neither one of us would let my little pixie find out, and that's probably the only thing we could agree on at the moment.

I don't know how I would face her if she ever found out. I couldn't see the rejection and the pity in her eyes.

This may sound random, but do you know one of the things that I miss the most from my human life?

It's not my heartbeat.

It's not the feel of the air entering my lungs.

It's not the color of my cheeks.

And it's definitely not my clumsiness.

I miss being able to sleep.

I miss the ability to close my eyes and for a few hours let go of the world around me. To go to another one, one world that belonged to me, one that I controlled. One world where I didn't have to hear Alice's moans when Jasper touched her.

As I laid in my bed, with my eyes closed, still like a statue I wished I didn't posses superhuman senses, that I didn't hear his declarations of love to her.

Those nights that she spent with him seemed to be endless, but I had already given up trying to get anything done while I heard then. Nothing could take my mind of those two making love just a few doors down.

And not in a perverted, lustful kind of way. It was more like controlling myself not to rip him apart kind of way.

I had tried to think of something else, tried letting my mind wander, but it didn't work, it never worked. All I could do was listen, hoping it would end soon. It never did.

It was early morning when she entered my room freshly showered by the way she smelled, and I was still lied down in the middle of bed, eyes closed. Someone else could have confounded for a corpse if not for how hard my jaw was set. But then again who would pay attention to that when you have a pale, hard body with a heart that didn't beat lying down in front of you?

Well, apparently Alice would.

"Something wrong, Bella?" She asked.

"No." I lied once again, finally opening my eyes and unclenching my jaw.

Alice was beautiful.

I had always thought so, but now, knowing that I had a small crush on her, well, now, it was much easier to see it. Now, it was harder to ignore that small drop of water that still remained from her shower and ran down her neck, and into her designed clothes.

She walked towards me, and sat down on the bed her left hand on my shoulder. Her movements were precise and graceful as always, but something was different. Something was missing.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked in all seriousness. Alice wasn't serious, she was always cherry and happy and bubbly.

"Sure, but don't you have school?" I asked.

"Not for a few hours"

This was weird.

I didn't really know what time it was, just that the sun had already came up. Usually she stayed with her lover until the last possible moment before she had to get ready for school. That lover being either me or Jasper.

But wait, did I just say that there was a sun? I took another look and there it was, looking back at me.

"You can't go to school today. The sun." I told her, like it was something that she would have overlooked.

"It will be gone by the time we get there."

"Ok, so what did you wanna talk to me about?"

She got up and started pacing, and instantly I missed her hand on me. I had never seen her so restless before, whatever it was that she wanted to tell me, it sure was important. Alice had stopped by the window doors, and some of rays of sunshine were touching her glistening skin.

She looked like a Goddess.

It was then that I realized that I had never seen myself under the sun. It was something that intrigued me, but I think that this might not be the best time to try it. Something told me I should be paying less attention to the sun and more attention to what Alice had to say.

"The thing is, Bella, I don't know exactly how to say this, but-" She never got to finish, because Rosalie barged in without as much as a knock on the door.

"Sorry to disrupt" The blonde said, but she didn't look sorry at all. "But I need to speak with you, Alice."

"Rose, I'm kind of in the middle of something at the moment." My pixie answered, clearly annoyed at the interruption. This was so unlike her, Alice was always in such a good mood.

"I know, but this is important. You can carry this on later." She said unrelenting, and continued not even looking at me. Her eyes were glued to Alice's "Emmett is downstairs to take you hunting, Bella."

"But, I don't need to-"

"Emmett is waiting, Bella"

"Hum, Ok." I realized that there was no arguing with Rosalie, so I did as I had been told.

Had I just been kicked out of my own room?

I went down the stairs and surely there Emmett was, waiting for me, with a smile on his face. He was waiting for me to make one little mistake so that he could tease senseless.

"So, Bells, ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I'll make you a bet, whoever gets the biggest animal gets to pick the game that we are gonna play tonight. Deal?"

It was a habit that we had picked up, whenever Alice would spend the night with Jasper, Emmett and I would spend it playing video games, that is, until Rosalie got bored with it, and snatched him away to their bedroom.

She never took part in our games, Rosalie just let me and her husband play as she watched and pretended to read a magazine.

"Yeah, sure." I wasn't really interested, tonight it was my night with Alice, so it was not like we were gonna play for long.

"Great, I'm so gonna win this. Not that it matters anyway. I can kick your ass in any game we play."

Of course he could. I was never paying much attention to it anyways. My mind was always in what was happening on the floor above ours.

I had even broken several controllers, and it had all been attributed to me not knowing my own strength, but if anyone had cared to pay enough attention every time I broke one there had been a higher moan in Jasper's room or a deeper declaration of love. Thankfully no one had ever pointed that out. yet

"Let's see about that."

He continued talking, but I wasn't really paying attention, I wanted to know if I could hear what Alice and Rosalie were talking about. They had remained quiet while Emmett and I left the house, and I was already giving up hope overhearing anything when Rosalie's angry voice caught my attention.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, ALICE? YOU CAN NOT DO THIS!"

"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION TO MAKE!"

"YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE!"

My enhanced newborn vampire hearing was not capable of picking up Alice's response, nor anything that transpired after that. But after I returned home, Alice had already given up telling me anything.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Rosalie?

Either way, I didn't go back at that moment, I followed Emmett into the woods. As I had tried to explain to Rosalie (aka the bitch), I had hunted recently, but talking about it always made the fire in my throat burn stronger.

We reached an area that he felt that was secure enough, and allowed me to start. We didn't need to be right beside each other, and usually Emmett was the one that allowed the biggest room to breathe as we hunted. Ironically, Rosalie was the one that kept the closest.

I found a small deer close by and proceeded in that direction. I knew that it wouldn't win the bet against Emmett, but as I said, I wasn't really interested in it. I just wanted to get this over with.

And then I remembered Carlisle request. He wanted me to walk away from hunting an animal. I guessed that this was the best time to do it. I wasn't really hungry so that would probably be the best time to try it.

I wasn't completely sure how far I needed to be once I tried it. I knew that if I was too far away, it would be too easy, but if I was really close I probably would not be able to do it. I decided to take the hard away, I was tired of people protecting me, dismissing me, and sending me away. I was gonna do it, and the deer would survive. I could control myself.

Needless to say, that deer died.

When the next conscious thought came through my mind I was kneeled down beside its corpse, soaked in blood. My anger came to me at once, and before I knew it, I had torn down a few trees, enough so that the sun could reach me.

I noticed a ray of the sun on my right arm. And to my great surprise and disappointment, there was no light emanating from it. I didn't shine. I tried to move to the area where the light was stronger, but that didn't make any difference. What was wrong with me? Where was my diamond-like skin? Was I as defective as a vampire as I once had been as a human?

I heard someone approach, so I quickly hid in the shadows. I had no intention to show anyone my new flaw, my defect, my weakness. It only reflected my incapacity to be like everyone else. I managed to be the only vampire with an imperfection.

"Are you done, Bella?" Emmett asked, and I just nodded. I was still freaked out by what I had just discovered. "Bella, it seems like I won, once again."

He was right, I took a look at the animal (I couldn't even tell what it had been by the way that Emmett had killed it) that he was carrying with him and I didn't need to look twice to know that his was much bigger.

"So, let's get back. I need to be taught the value of X once again."

I followed him once we disposed of the bodies, but I wasn't really paying attention to where we were going. Hopefully, he would take me back to the house and not to, I don't know, Japan or something.

Today was not a good day, it never was when Alice spent the night with her husband

"Bella" Emmett tried again, even if I had been quiet up to this point. "What was that? Did your clumsiness followed you even after you became a vampire?" He joked.

He was referring to my lack of ability to catch that deer. Truthfully, that had been caused by my stupid attempt not to kill it. Another failure.

"Yeah, I suppose so." I replied defeated.

"You must be dysfunctional or something. I have never heard of a vampire that wasn't graceful" Emmett was just teasing me, but he didn't know how right he actually was. I was a dysfunctional vampire. I didn't shine. I wonder what else is wrong with me.

"Yeah."

He didn't try to start a conversation again after that.

When we reached the house, most of the occupants were already gone, Rosalie was the only one waiting for her husband to get ready so they could go to school.

It was the first time I was glad that I was left alone, I really didn't want to talk to any of them at the moment. I didn't want to look at them and see how perfect they were, knowing that once again I came up short. I wasn't one of them.

I called my mom, it was comforting hearing about her problems and her life, even if I couldn't tell her what was wrong, or that talk to her for that matter. I felt better once I disconnected the call.

Hours later, I was locked in my room, the Cullens were all downstairs but I felt no desire to join them. But it didn't take long until there was a knock on my door and I was disappointed to realize that it was not Alice's scent.

I unlocked the door.

"May I come in?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah, sure." I didn't know what this was about, I think it was the first time he ever entered my room.

I sat down on the bed, but Carlisle remained standing still on the other side of the room. I was waiting, after all he was the one that had come here, he was the one that had something to say and I wasn't really in the mood to start pointless conversations.

"I spoke to Emmett today. He told me you found some trouble hunting earlier."

"Yeah."

"I'm here to enquire whether there is anything wrong with you." Yeah, there is. I can't shine. But I don't think he meant it that way.

"Not really. I was just trying to control myself like you said."

"I thought that might be the case. And as you have already tried my suggestion, do you want to continue our previous conversation?"

"There is really nothing to say. I killed it."

"However, you tried not to." He wasn't asking, but I felt the need to respond anyway.

"Yes."

"Bella, this was not a test to evaluate whether or not you were able to refrain from killing an animal. I merely wanted you to try." Carlisle explained, but I'm not sure it made any difference. The deer was still dead.

"Ok, so I tried."

"And how was it?"

"I don't know, it was weird. And then it was dead."

"There are no right and wrong answers here, Bella. You may speak your mind."

"It was like someone else took over. It wasn't me."

"You felt like you weren't in control of your actions"

"Exactly. It was the same as before, with the humans."

"That's the vampire inside of you. It's telling you that he needs blood."

"And how do I control it?" I needed to know this. I wanted to see my mom again. I desperately needed my family.

"You don't. You become it, and you let it become you."

"I don't understand"

"You need to accept that you are not the Bella you once knew. There is no going back." He spoke the words I longed for much time, and yet I dreaded them now. "You are no longer human, from now on you are a vampire. And as such you do have certain needs."

"But if I just let it go, if I just give in to these needs, then I'll kill everyone that I meet"

"That's not entirely true. Vampires are creatures of urges, yes. As you may have noticed. But you are not only a vampire. There needs to be a balance. Find something that both you and the vampire want, and try to consolidate your needs from there."

"Is that how you do it?"

"Precisely. Bella, my family is of upmost importance to me, and every human I meet posses a trace that reminds me of them."

"And the vampire?"

"We are one, there are not two of me anymore."

"But what if I'm not like you?"

"I expect you not be like me, Bella. It would be rather tedious to talk to myself, don't you think?" Is this his idea of a joke? Because so not the right time here. I'm not sure if he noticed, but I'm kinda of freaking out.

"That's not what I meant."

"In that case, could you be more specific?"

"What if I don't care enough about humans, about my family to keep myself from hurting them?"

"Firstly, if I may say, there is no one in this world that can say that you don't care enough about your family, Bella. You have endangered yourself numerous times to protect those around you. Secondly, I don't believe you can measure how much you care about someone by your desire to bite them."

"But didn't you just say that you don't hurt people because you care about them? I want to be like that too, I don't want to be a monster."

"That wouldn't make you a monster, Bella. Just a vampire."

"It seems like the same thing to me."

"They don't need to be."

"Yeah, that's why you become a vegetarian."

"I don't suppose that's true."

"You don't? I thought you of all people would be agreeing with me."

"I suspect you may be confusing my believes with Edward's"

"I didn't know they were different."

"In Edward's mind, anyone that kills a human being is a monster."

"And in your mind…"

"I don't see a difference between killing a human and an animal. I don't think it makes you anymore of a monster to kill a human than to kill a bear. We are not humans anymore, Bella."

"But you don't kill humans."

"Because they remind me of my family. No other reason. I have several friends that do drink human blood, and in my mind, none of them are monsters. It's different than James, he wanted to make a game of hunting you. That I can not accept, but the others hunt to survive in the same way that humans kill cows to eat."

"Are you serious?"

"You were given a choice when you were first turned. You could have chosen to hunt humans and we would have supported you. You still can."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes. Bella, do you want to hunt humans?" He spoke slowly, slower than usual. Carlisle was giving me time to process his words and still, there was no easy answer.

"I'm not sure. I don't think I do."

"No one else can make that decision for you."

"I know. It just seems too much for me."

"Time. Just give it time. You will become accustomed with the changes."

"If you say so."

"I do. Please, inform me once you have made your decision. And if you do decide to hunt humans, the only thing I ask of you is that you do not do it close to our lands. It could draw unwanted attention."

"Of course."

"In that case, I believe this conversation shall once again be put on hold. You are welcome to join us downstairs, Bella."

"Thanks."

And then he left, back to his family. Carlisle didn't close my door though, I think he might be waiting for me to join them.

I followed his footsteps until I reached the stairs, but I couldn't descend it. I'm not sure if they noticed that I was there, studying them. They made no indication that they had sensed my presence. I looked down and I watched them as a family, teasing and playing and laughing and talking together. Beautiful. Perfect.

I wasn't one of them. I didn't belong with them.

I was a failure.

My eyes found Alice. I could see the smile on her face. She was happy interacting with the ones that loved her. The ones that she loved.

And in the same time that it made me incredible happy to see her like this, it also torn me to shreds. Because this thing that I was feeling for Alice, this infatuation. What if it was not just a crush? What if it was more than that?

Could it be possible that this was… love?

* * *

And that was it. I hope you liked it. It was probably the longest chapter I ever wrote… trying to compensate the long wait…..

I know that I wanted to say something else, but I can't remember it now…. Guess you will have to wait for the next one to find out what it is ;) see ya.

Please review.


	10. The Definition of Love

**The Definition of Love**

After new moon. When Alice makes a terrible mistake, how will it affect the Cullens? And more importantly how will it affect Bella? Told from Bella's POV.

Don't own anything.

Thanks to sarcasm110011, Hollowgo, shinona, suppressed. depression, nightterror56, gooby, .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., Emerald Demona, Lion Cub 91, Svtwilfan, chikis-19, Raventear and xChloe Cullenx for the reviews.

sarcasm110011, lol, I'm glad you like it… but I think I might beat you on that, every time that I start to write a new part of the chapter I re-read the entire story…. Lol….

Hollowgo, interesting…. I think you might be the first to say it…. But yeah… in the future… ;)

shinona, the thought did cross my mind, but I haven't decided yet…. What would you prefer?

suppressed. depression, hum… I think I'll take that as a compliment…. ;) hate them or love them, I'm glad that you feel something towards them…. I'll be disappointed when people start telling me they don't care either way…. ;)

nightterror56, then you are like me…. not sure why… the more angst there is in the story, the more I want to read it….. o.0

gooby, thank you… I'm glad you enjoyed it…. Hopefully this didn't take too long….

.I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies., if you are mad of how I ended the last chapter, I think by the end of this one you will be wanting to kill me…. And what do I get for keeping your secret? Btw, I love chocolate =)

Emerald Demona, interesting point…. I think I might nominate you the official Jasper's defender of this story…. But don't worry, after this chapter, I might have just made your job easier… or harder… not quite sure which…. Lol

Lion Cub 91, thanks you very much, and here is the next chapter… I hope its up to your standards…. :D

Svtwilfan, they already hooked up, but feelings are another matter entirely…. There is this song called "amor e sexo" which actually translates as "love and sex" and it tells the difference between those two things and I think its really interesting to listen to… if you want I can translate it for you, or you can just tell google to do it… it should be pretty close…. I hope that cleared it out for you ;)

chikis-19, hahaha, THANKKKK YOUUU, not too long was it? :P

Raventear, very long review….and its great, really helpfull…. ;) …. Im considering responding to this in topics…. Lol … so, yeah, Bella's Pov until the very end…. And 'Sharing yourself between your husband and your lover really isn't the excruciating experience you must get through on the road to salvation' made me lmao…. But to answer your question, im not really sure… its not completely intentional or unintentional…. I seem to always make one of the characters to be the 'bad guy' and im not sure why… I just think that relationships are not perfect and they aren't just flowers and walks around the park…. They are hard and messy and most of the time completely annoying…lol… I think that's just my way to bring this into the story…. ;) I don't intent for you to hate Alice, but I would rather that you hated her than not care at all (I think I already said that o.0)… but truthfully, I hope that by the 'happy ending' you really love her…. :D

xChloe Cullenx, I'm glad that you liked it…. And don't worry, she will…. Eventually….. =)

Wow, got to everyone in this chapter…. :D

Now I got to go to bed, because it's past 3 AM, and I have an early morning tomorrow…

* * *

**Chapter 10 – The Definition of Love**

_Could it be possible that this was… love?_

That had been a few days ago and I wasn't any closer to a conclusion than that night.

I mean, how could I be sure that it was love?

Should there a big sign over Alice's head telling me?

Am I just supposed to know?

How should I know?

Is the fact that I'm not sure proof that this is not love?

And I had no one to talk to about it. Any of the Cullens, out of the question. Really, can you just imagine me going up to Jasper and asking him if he thought that I was in love with his wife? Jacob would only tell me that vampires were incapable of love. And I don't think that's the best way to come out to my parents.

I mean, I don't even know if I am gay. Like I have a crush on one girl, and I possibly love her, but is that enough to make me a lesbian?

This is so confusing.

Why can't it be simple? Like on Disney movies, where the princess finds her prince charming at the first sight? Or like the werewolves that find their imprint, and just like BOOM they know they are in love.

But, no. It can't be easy like that, I need to work it out in my head and think. It shouldn't be this difficult.

I hoped that it was not this difficult, because that would mean that I was not in love with Alice Cullen and that would make my life (can I call it that?) much easier. As I said, I could deal with a crush on Alice, but how would I ignore being in love with her?

Not possible.

But that's just me saying, what do I know? I may just be making a big deal out of nothing. If I wasn't in love with Alice, there was nothing to worry about.

And that is not talking about the fact that I wasn't like them. I was flawed. I hadn't shared this news with anyone yet. I wasn't sure what they would do to me if they knew.

Yeah, but I just had to stay positive and – okay, so not me. I'm freaking out. On both matters. I had no idea how to deal with them.

I'm freaking out so much that I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening around me. So you can imagine my surprise when one morning I left my room to find the entire family gathered around the living room. I could see they were all tense, but I could not fathom why. Jasper was in the middle and Alice was crouched against the wall.

He looked at me with a sad smile and whispered the words that I had never imagined would come out of him mouth.

"Please, make her happy." And then he left. Seriously, he left.

As in walked out of the house without looking back. Did I just enter the twilight zone? For a moment I was happy, but I would soon realize my mistake.

The others didn't seem so surprised with his departure, but to me that was completely unexpected. I sat down next to Alice's still crouching form and hugged her. I couldn't tell what she was feeling, her face showed no emotion.

She neither leaned into my touch nor pushed me away; Alice didn't show any reaction to my touch.

I don't know how long we stayed there, but I didn't care. It couldn't be easy for her, how could he leave her like that?

I tried kissing her on the cheek and on the mouth, but again, it seemed that there was an empty shell where once lived my beautiful little pixie. I picked her up and carried her to my bedroom and for the first time in hours she demonstrated that there was still life inside of her.

She didn't want to go into my room. After a quick moment of indecision, I took her to the room she shared with Jasper.

I gently laid her down on the bed and then I laid next to her. I wasn't really comfortable here, quite the contrary actually, but this was not the time to be picky.

She wasn't looking at me, Alice was having a vision.

"Vancouver." She said.

"What's in Vancouver, Alice?"

She didn't tell me. Alice had gone back to her previous state, the one that seemed that there was nothing inside of her.

For the days that followed, Alice never moved from her place, she didn't blink, she didn't talk, she didn't eat, and she ever even looked at me directly. It was like she was living her in her own world, inside of her head. And that was heartbreaking to see.

I didn't leave her side, unless I had to hunt, but I always left her with someone, and came back as quickly as possible.

After almost two weeks of the same thing, Carlisle figured she wouldn't get better anytime soon, so we decided to give her something to eat, or better yet, drink. First we brought a freshly hunted mountain lion, but Alice took a couple of gulps when we put it directly into her mouth, but nothing more.

Seeing that it wasn't gonna cut it, Carlisle did what he really didn't want to save his daughter. He and Rosalie (beside Carlisle, she was the one with the best control) found and robbed a blood bank. The blood they stole was put in a cup and served to Alice with a straw. She drank the whole cup when we put it into her mouth, but showed no other reaction to it.

I had to restrain myself not to just take it from her. Everything inside of me wanted that, my body ached for it, my throat burned, so I stopped breathing. The others didn't seem to notice, they were trying to rein themselves. I had to keep reminding myself that the blood was for Alice, that she needed it. That was the only thing that made me control myself, Alice's health. I had to do it for her.

For the months that followed that was repeated constantly, it was the only way to make sure Alice would eat properly. In a way I kinda got used to it, not that it didn't bother me anymore, but my mind didn't enter frenzy at the mere sight of it.

Alice talked every once in a while, usually locations, times, names or even weather. We figured out that Alice was seeing the future, Jasper's future to be exact. She knew where he would be, when and with whom.

It was obvious that she missed him. After all those months, she still wanted him to return.

One day, Rosalie and Carlisle had gone to Seattle to pick up Alice's blood, Emmett and Esme had gone hunting, and I had stayed behind to watch Alice. It wasn't the first time I had been left alone with Alice, it happened so many times ever since Jasper left that I was used to it. I sat at the floor, as always, and looked at her. I despised what had become of my little pixie. She used to be so full of energy, always smiling, always nice.

She had been nice to me before I even started dating Edward, when he was still trying to keep his distance from me. Alice was the first to welcome me into the family, telling me we would be best friends. And how did I repay the favor? By ending her relationship with her brother, breaking her marriage and destroying her family.

It was no wonder that the others avoided my presence at all costs now. I don't know how they hadn't kicked me out yet. Rosalie hadn't even made a comment about it yet, and usually the blonde wasn't one to hold her tongue.

I got up from the floor and laid down beside Alice. Her head was turned me, but I was invisible to her.

The lust of the newborn. Alice had warned about it, she wanted to protect me from it, but right now it was the last thing on my mind. I found out that she was the only one that I wanted, the only one that gave me chills, the only one that made me wet beyond believe. But not like this, not when she was a lifeless shell of what she had once been.

"Cuernavaca" She whispered. "November 8th. It's cloudy."

I traced my fingers on her face.

"Japer will be in Cuernavaca. It's in Mexico, right?" I asked, but I didn't expect an answer anyway, so it really didn't come as a surprise when she didn't respond. It hurt to see her like that, she wasn't happy. She wasn't smiling, she wasn't dancing around, she wasn't Alice anymore.

I kissed her lips, but I felt I was kissing a wall, because again there was no response. It had never felt like this, Alice never felt like a statue to me, not even when I was still human, not even when we shared our first kiss in the woods. She had always been so welcoming, so warm, even if her skin was cold.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. You have no idea how sorry I am." I said, but it was useless. She wasn't listening.

I inhaled deeply and suddenly I smelled something that caught my attention. Human Blood. First I thought Carlisle and Rosalie had returned, but that's when I heard it. A heartbeat. Someone was bleeding. Whoever it was, they were really close and getting closer by the second. I stopped breathing, but I could still hear their heart, it was if it was beating inside of my head.

I wanted the blood. I had to have it. I looked at Alice, and she was, well, she was the same. The sent seemed to make no affect on her. It was like she hadn't even notice it. She wasn't gonna try to take it. She wasn't gonna stop me.

I forced myself to stay still, not to run towards it. I needed to hold on to any piece of clarity that I still had. I was a vampire, but it was not the only thing that I was. I had a say in our decisions too, and the vampire would have to get used to it.

But my body ached, my throat burned. And the human's heartbeat still echoed in my head.

I heard a knock on the door. They were calling for help. Whoever it was had no idea in how much danger they were in. It would be so much better for them to go back to their own home to take care of whatever wound they had gotten, instead of asking for help in a house of vampires.

I rolled myself into a ball, my fingers dug themselves deep inside my skin, my mouth was dripping with venom. My eyes were shut tight; as if it could keep protect me from myself. I bit my own lip, to see if the pain could distract me from my prey.

I looked at Alice, and she still hadn't noticed the new scent, that or she was somehow immune to it. I realized that looking at Alice was the diversion that I was looking for, and I let her take over my mind. She allowed me to regain some of my sanity.

I let my arms relax and I caressed her face. How could a creature be so beautiful? So perfect without even trying? I needed to bring her back; I needed her to be full of energy. I needed her to be happy.

"I'll make you better, Alice" And I knew exactly how.

The person that was hurt didn't hold my full attention anymore; it was more like an annoying buzzing in the back of my mind. Eventually, whoever it was that was banging at the door gave up and left.

Esme and Emmett were the first to get back a couple of hours later. I asked Esme to watch Alice for a little while, but she urged me to tell her where I was going. The only time I ever left the house was to hunt, and I always had company to do that.

I assured that I only wanted to stretch my legs, that I wouldn't go too far, but I guess that depends on your definition of far. Esme looked at me still in doubt and I told her I would never do anything that could potentially put someone's life in danger and finally she gave in.

I ran into the woods with one last look to the stunning Alice Cullen. I knew exactly where I needed to go: Cuernavaca. And I had just a few days to get there.

Upon reaching my destination, I realized I still had some time to kill, no pun intended, because according to Alice, Jasper wouldn't get here until tomorrow. Knowing that my next day would be a blur trying to find Alice's husband, I decided to hunt to make sure that I was ready for the day to come.

It would be the first time that I would ever enter a city, with so many humans around. It was better if I was prepared.

I returned to the city a little over midnight, thinking of a way to find Jasper. The city was not small, I wasn't sure I'd be able to run through the entire city in a day. Maybe I could try to find his scent, but I needed somewhere to start. I needed a map of the city, something that could tell me all the entrances, and I needed to hope that Jasper would enter the city the normal way instead of the vampire way.

I was walking aimless through the streets trying to find a store still open that had the map that I needed. In spite of the hour, there were quite a few people still out, and for a moment I tensed up.

I stopped breathing.

What if it wasn't such a great idea for me to be near humans yet? Yes, I had controlled myself once, but was it all it took? What if I wasn't strong enough? What if I lost my mind for just a moment?

My head started to spin, and my throat burned. There were thousands of people around, thousands of heartbeats. It would be so easy to take just one. Carlisle said it would not be so bad.

But I didn't want to, not when I knew that these people had a family, someone that cared for them, someone that would miss them when they were gone. Someone like my father, or my mother, or Jacob, or Angela, or so many others back in Forks. I couldn't do it.

I concentrated on Alice's face and slowly I felt my body regain its calm. I was focused again. The need was once again a buzz in the back of my mind, something to remind me that I lived for blood.

It was different watching humans interact now that I was a vampire, you could tell what they felt by their bodies reactions. A blush, a faster heartbeat, a twitch of hand. I could tell that the man in front of me was lying to his wife, without even understanding a word of what he was saying; his body's reactions told me everything.

And for the first time in my 19 years, people were staring at me. They turned their heads to see me move graciously through the street. A girl, probably a little over 20, had her mouth open watching me. I winked at her and I heard her heartbeat quicken. I continued my way with a smirk.

Hey, I know I'm into Alice, but I can't say that I didn't need the ego boost.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something that caught my attention. I turned a sharp left and followed him. Jasper. He was walking just a few meters in front of me, but I don't think he had noticed me yet.

I fastened my pace without moving too fast for humans and stopped directly in front of him. His shock was written all over his face.

"Bella?"

"We need to talk." I told him and started walking to a more private place. I didn't check to see if he was following me. I was sure that he was.

We climbed a few buildings until I was sure that there was no one else around to overhear our conversation, we were on the rooftop of one of the tallest buildings around.

I looked at the city in front of me, it was a beautiful city. Jasper stood beside me, following my line of vision.

"Does Carlisle know that you are here?"

"No" I said. I didn't offer any other explanation and he didn't ask. Let him think whatever he wanted. I wasn't here to make friends.

"What happened, Bella?" He asked.

"Alice needs you" I answered, quickly. It hurt to say it. "You need to go back"

"No, Bella. It's not me that she needs" His calm was infuriating.

"Yes, it is. She hasn't left her bed ever since you left. She won't talk unless it's about you. She won't drink unless we practically shove it down her throat. Alice needs you." I begged.

"I don't think it's that simple, Bella."

"Either way, you need to come back." He nodded, and jumped off after me. We had a long run back home ahead of us.

Reaching our house, I was bombarded with questions from Esme and Emmett, who were in the living room. Rosalie was in Alice's room, and Carlisle was in his office, but they came into the living room when they heard my arrival.

Rosalie was about to make a snide remark, but she stopped when she looked at Jasper.

I didn't answer any of the questions thrown at me, my mind was somewhere else. I was about to give Alice her husband back, but I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I knew I didn't like the idea of them back together, selfishly I had enjoyed the fact that Jasper had left, that is, until Alice stopped living.

I just walked up the stairs with Jasper right behind me, showing him to his room. I waited outside as he entered and closed the door. I could hear Jasper as he sat on the bed, and much to my happiness and sadness I heard Alice get up and greet him with a kiss.

I walked to my room with the sounds of their reunion in my ears. I entered and closed the door behind me, leaning against it. My hand covered my ears when I heard their muffled moans. I wanted to block them out. I couldn't stand to hear this.

I found a pen and a piece of paper as I heard a crack from their bed. I left a note and jumped out of window, I didn't want to face the family, who still in the living room. My time here was over. The family was almost united again, and with my abstinence, I'm sure Edward would return to his family.

I looked back one last time to the house which held the family that had welcomed me so openly. The same family I had destroyed. I whispered the words written on my note.

"I'm sorry." And then I ran.

I ran and I ran and I ran. I had nowhere to go. I just knew that I couldn't stay. I wasn't one of them, and I would never be.

There was just one thing that I knew. I knew that how I had acted, how I had felted.

I had been glad that he was gone, so that I didn't have to share Alice anymore, I had been selfish and I put my happiness before Alice's. I forced her to be miserable around me, just because I wanted her to want me and not him.

I knew from the start that the situation was no viable. It would never work out. But I ended her marriage to satisfy my needs.

And that could only mean one thing.

I knew just one thing, I came to only one conclusion.

I did not love Alice Cullen.

THE END

* * *

No, its not a joke. It really is over .: runs away from the objects being thrown at her :.

I know I promised a happy ending and there is still a lot of things that need explaining, but don't worry, I'm writing a sequel. I thought about just continuing it in the same story, but the style and the time will be a little different and would be weird to merge them.

It will be called Once More With Feeling and if you didn't get the reference, I would recommend you google it and watch it. Actually, I think you should watch the whole series, because the show is awesome and most of the concepts from the next story will be taken from there.

I will just get a few chapters done before I start posting again. So, see you guys soon.

Yay - this is the first story that I actually finished. : D

Thanks to all of you who read it. I hope you liked it. ; )

Please Review.


End file.
